Dear Seaturtle:

I will reply further in the morning, but for now, regarding your intelligent question: “how do I replace N with my actual father in that parallel universe?”-

-answer:  re-associate with your feelings about your childhood experience with your father. Elaborated: a child stuck with a difficult, abusive parent dissociates best she can, pushing her distressing feelings as far down as she can, becoming minimally aware of them and therefore, minimally distressed.

The real-life child dissociates from herself.. leading to an adult with a dissociated inner child, an inner child who will not stay quiet, insisting to be heard.

You can think of these dissociated distressing feelings as ghosts looking for a body to associate with/ to enter. So, they look for a romantic partner as that body to enter (be projected into), for the purpose of finding resolution and calm. Direct those ghosts to your father so that they will leave N alone. One way to do it is in talk therapy, expressing how you felt back then in the context of your interactions with your father; another way is to journal (you can journal here, on your thread).

anita