Dear Caroline:

“In present time when I don’t want to do something I go quiet. And then I get angry later. I know I shouldn’t behave like that, I should just say right away in a normal tone, not angry tone later“- yes.

“But I don’t know how to do that“- next time you notice that you went quiet because you don’t want to do something she wants to do, say in a normal tone: I don’t want to do this.

“I  do not want to say she’s evil… feel like she is more confident and assertive with her opinions and I just take a step back and not say anything… She asked me many times: Ok what do you want? what is the place you want to see? And I couldn’t say..”– she reads like a decent person, not evil at all. Your struggles with not knowing what you think/ feel/ want etc. (the vacuum we talked about), makes all long-term relationships difficult, romantic and otherwise.

“Sorry I let it all out here but it is  kind of regulating for me to just write it all. I see it and I understand it better now thanks to you Anita“- you are very welcome to let it all out here, any day, any time. And thank you for your appreciation!

“I want to change it because I am in a relationship with someone who cares“- you said it, she cares.

“How can I learn this ’emotion regulation and assertiveness skills, as well as challenging distressing thoughts (CBT)”, Anita? Can I learn it by myself? is reading a book enough? or should I see a therapist. I am really desperate, I am having panic attacks because of this. I think it is all too much in my life right now“- (1) try guided meditations during today and before going to sleep, will you? (2) Therapy with a good therapist will be best. (3) research emotion regulation skills, (part of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, DBT) and CBT, consider buying a book and a workbook on each of these topics, and see how it works for you.

anita