Dear Worldofthewaterwheels:

“I always draw attention to the bad. I just never felt like hiding anything. I have a strange need to explore the total emotion of emptiness and I can’t explain that“-

–  You shared earlier that your parents were a “ a self contained unit, not needing any other person“, meaning that they had each other and you had.. emptiness. Maybe the explanation is that you were born into, and grew up with emptiness (lack of emotional closeness with parents/ others) being your niche within the family, and so, all you had available for you was looking within, exploring your emotions.

“When I was a kid I remember I was the one helping everyone else process their emotions, trying to empathize with others was my thing“- your thing, your niche.. your specialty, childhood and onward, has been to look within and attend to emotions?

“I watched ‘Bridesmaids’ the other day and recognised with some horror that I am the main character Annie. Everything keeps going wrong in her life…she lost her business, her boyfriend and her self respect…  It’s a really good movie because it uses this to tell the story about depression and self loathing“- do you loathe yourself, Worldofthewaterwheels?

“I need to learn how to be more positive in my outlook, how to deny the negative even if it seems tempting to see ‘what happens next’“- Can you explain to me what you mean by the temptation to see what-happens-next?

I ask questions because your thread is a study (“A study in loneliness and rejection“), and a study as I understand it entails asking and answering questions.

anita