Dear allette/ reader:

These are quotes from posts submitted in this thread through time, in regard to reasons for people breaking up:

“I just felt that something was missing.. He is the type of guy I should feel thrilled to marry, and I know that he would be an amazing husband and father, but I just knew it wasn’t fair to him that I wasn’t feeling it 100%… as much as I wanted to be happy in a relationship, I just wasn’t. I started feeling claustrophobic and wanting freedom” (M, June, 2014)

“I thought about breaking up with him for a long, long time but could never get the guts to do it until yesterday, when something in me just clicked, I felt like such a chicken sh*t for not being able to say that I did not want him anymore, so I just said it, and it was horrible. I feel like the worst person ever, especially because it was also a holiday and he brought me a gift and flowers” (Ariana m, March 2015).

“For the past 6 months, he has been detached and passive about the relationship. I tried everything in my power to revive him from what I thought was a phase. I asked him numerous times whether he knew why he was acting that way and if there was anything I needed to know, or that I could do to which he always replied that he didn’t/there isn’t. I eventually.. confronted him about not wanting to be in the relationship and that although he hasn’t expressly told me, his actions show me so. He couldn’t pretend anymore and finally admitted it. He said that he hadn’t known how to tell me but he doesn’t want to be in any relationship right now… It turns out that he’s known that he did not want to be in the relationship any longer for 6 months but could not communicate that to me out of fear of disappointing me… He simply withdrew emotionally from the relationship and left me to connect the dots on my own” (Bonni_mor, May 2015)

“It was extremely hard for me to take the decision to break up with someone I love. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I knew that this relationship was not the best one for me nor for her. She suffers from depression… we had to face very difficult moments due to her depression. It was very hard for me… I am very sensible to her problems (and often made them my own tough I shouldn’t), made me understand that this wasn’t the right relationship for me. The spark was gone, and I didn’t want to stay with her out of pity.. I still love her dearly, but fell out of love” (John, April 2016)

“Breaking up with him was the hardest thing I’d ever done, but I’d been feeling for 1.5 years that things weren’t right and fell out of love the last few months. Because we’re both extremely conflict averse… we never talked about our problems even though they were obvious from my behavior (I stopped initiating affection, saying ‘I love you’, making him a priority or even looking forward to seeing him)” (bee, Sept 2016)

“I settled for him because he treated me with so much respect, love and kindness- why would you not want to stay with someone so lovely? The spark was missing. No matter how hard I tried in the last 9 months of our relationship, I could not rekindle that spark I used to feel when I was with him… In our relationship, I had always been the ‘pants’…He would leave me to make every decision, to lead every conversation and when we would fight-even if I was clearly in the wrong- he would be the one apologising. Sooner or later, I began to find his inability to stand up for himself unattractive, as I started to feel like I was becoming his mother, not his girlfriend” (Nessie, Sept 2016)

“The reason I ended it was because for over a year I’d been begging him to get his life sorted. He didn’t have a job and spent his days either with me or when I was working, playing video games. I was mothering him so much, that all my friends joked that he should have got me a mothers day card! By the end my feelings of being in love were fading, I felt like I tried so hard. He also lives an hour away and doesn’t drive, so I was forever travelling up there” (H, July 2018)

“The problem is, I’m so unsure of what I want in life…he makes me feel like a princess, he makes me feel safe, and he absolutely makes me feel so loved. I felt like I wanted to explore the world more, I wanted to be young and careless and have fun…I have struggled with severe depression all my life… I don’t know if I’m really unsure about him, or if it’s just my whole life I’m unsure about” (Sage, Aug 2018)

“Just broke up with my boyfriend. We were together for 4 years and 8 months. At first, everything was wonderful… After about two years, I started to lose feelings for him… Whenever he would mention about moving in or getting married, I would feel terrified and claustrophobic… I said, I love you but the feelings weren’t there… What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just move in or get married like other people. Why do I feel like I do?” (Racquel, May 2020).

anita