Dear Anita,

“…patience (patiently waiting instead of impulsively reacting) is good for our physical and mental health,”

Validating because this is also what I have been doing with getting my things from N, despite my mom and roommate telling me to just get it over with right away or that I should have done it earlier. Honestly as I asked myself when the right time was, I heard two little pieces of advice, to wait for after my surgery was over, also I had a sense it would be in March, and this was back in January that I felt this.

“His concern was not your health but for.. his feelings. He wanted his argument to Win.. and yours (while heading or recovering from a surgery) to Lose.”

Exactly how it felt.

“it is amazing how he makes himself SOUND oh so mature and fair a MOMENT after he expressed acute self-absorption and self-centeredness. “

He is very skilled at this, which is why for so long I thought I was wrong, because he “sounded” so fair. He would call himself “fair” too, he calls himself “easy to approach and reason with,” but we all know it is not true. The only way it is true is if you get on your hands and knees and grovel, metaphorically speaking. You do the dance with him, tell him how much you appreciate him, and make him feel like he is oh so fair and you are just thankful that he is using his time to make a deal with you.

“Like a spider and other highly instinctive animals, he will adjust to your new behavior, that’s all. I don’t think that he can see anyone but himself.. well, he can’t see anyone on the other side of his (triggered) hurt/ unappreciated feelings.”

I want to be able to spot his adjustments, and with an open third eye I will continue to. Even his last message, to agree to disagree, I rolled my eyes to myself, but just let the conversation end there, so that right there was an “adjustment,” that I spotted.

Something I am curious about, so on his birthday last week I texted him happy birthday, and that I was thankful to have an entrepreneurial dad to watch, it gave me confidence that one day I can start my own thing and don’t necessarily need to work for someone. his response was very love-bomby at 8pm, so possibly very intoxicated he responded:

I’m soooo proud of you (I talk you u pall the time). Thank you for the kind words. I’m always there for you (two kissing emojies) now and forever (another kissing emoji)

He wasn’t like this before, when I lived with him, this love bombing is a new thing and I wonder why?

Curious Seaturtle