Dear Seaturtle:

“What is the right balance in a relationship/friendship where the conversations brings you lower or higher… For example my friend P, the one in the destructive relationship… then she comes and tells me about it and I just do not want to hear it, but then I feel like I am being a bad friend“- when she tells you about him and you notice that you are feeling low as a result, give her five minutes to vent, say something empathetic to her, and change the subject. If she resists the change of subject, politely excuse yourself from the phone, or from the visit with her.

“And this authentic self is created by his upbringing?“- created by his reactions to his upbringing, and anyone in his place, given his exact upbringing (and the genetics he was born with), would have reacted identically, as a child.

“If he has so much, why is it so hard for him to help me financially do you think?“- I am guessing that he amassed his financial fortune by not giving money to others, or by giving as little as he could get away with and still keep a positive public image.

“Just the other day I was telling M about my financial situation with my medical absence from work… but an argument that we may have had in the past could have been me saying ‘I needed your help then’ and he responds ‘Yea I offered it to you.’“- he is trying to minimize his accounts payable(money going out) and keep his public image positive with his daughter.. for him, you are one of the public out there, makes sense in light of how superficial your youngest sister (and you) said about the relationship with him.

(I will read and reply to the rest later, in a few hours from now).

anita