Dear Seaturtle:

I hope you are well. I want to elaborate on my answer to your question “Do you think there is any possibility that N and I end up back together in a healthy relationship?“- my answer still is that a healthy relationship between the two of you is possible, but what do I mean by “healthy relationship” (it may not mean the same as what you mean by it)?

What I mean by a healthy relationship is a fair relationship which works for you and for him, a win-win prospect. Clearly N cannot make you perfectly happy, but no man can. Clearly, he cannot be everything that you need and want.. but again, no man can be. There needs to be clarity in your mind about what you will compromise about when choosing a lifetime partner, and what you will not compromise.

It cannot be a healthy relationship if you feel superior to him. You have to feel that he is as worthy of you as you are worthy of him, and that while his strengths are different from yours, his strengths are as valuable as yours.

We talked at length about his closed 3rd eye chakra and your open 3rd eye, but it’s not this simple: in some ways, your 3rd eye is a bit closed (as is mine). For example, in regard to the topic of money and the relationship with N,  your 3rd eye is not open, I think, or I suspect, I should say.

Looking back at the cash incident, clearly, he felt that you were taking financial advantage of him, and you expressed- at length- that maybe you did take financial advantage of him and you felt guilty about it. When I suggested that you arrange to (some day, when you are able), to pay him what you think you owe him, so to relieve your guilt, you didn’t respond at all to my suggestion (as far as I remember) and never mentioned the topic again.

You shared that he worked very hard for his father for little pay and that he worked hard for his money in general. You moved in with him while you were employed, with the understanding that you will be his roommate (and girlfriend) and pay into the rent. You then quit your job, with his emotional support, and didn’t pay into the rent for a year or so (?) It reads like N is financially generous and (?) spent a lot of money on restaurants and entertainment with you.. while working very hard for his money…? If this has been the case, I can understand him feeling taken advantage of, financially.

There may be something here that he is seeing, but you do not…?

A topic that I didn’t think about when I answered you earlier, is his daily, heavy duty use of weed, something for you to consider as something you may not want to compromise about…?

anita