Dear gresshoppe:

The relationship with the ex was “short, but really intense… crazy chemistry“. You recently met “someone super nice… so sweet“, but “some level of connectedness” with him is missing: that intensity and crazy chemistry that you experienced with the ex. Recently, the ex contacted you and you are considering resuming the relationship with the ex.

About the trouble in your previous relationship, you wrote: “I think we were both at fault, now that some time has passed. He said some things that hurt bad, and then I withdrew. Everything fell apart, so fast. I wanted to slow everything down, but couldn’t find a way, so I went no contact“- what happened there is very important when it comes to considering resuming the relationship. Would you like to elaborate on what happened and what were the things he said that hurt you badly? How were you at fault, and how was he at fault?

As to the intense connectedness and crazy chemistry that you experienced with the ex, that could be the result of his physical features that you find very attractive and/ or it could be that he reminds you of a parent (I don’t mean in a sexual way) whose love you tried to get as a child, but failed, and he (the ex) brought back to you that intense child-like hope to be finally loved.

Let’s say that your father or mother were cold and critical of you. You tried to please that parent very much, to win their love. You hoped for their love for a long, long time and you didn’t get it. Fast forward, you meet a cold, critical man who is interested in you, showing you some positive attention, and all that intense and long-term HOPE is awakened.. hope that this time, you will get the love you needed for so long.

On the other hand, when you meet a nice guy.. that’s nice, but he doesn’t awaken that Hope (hope with a capital H). Problem in this scenario, is that you far less likely receive love from a cold and critical person than you are from a nice and sweet person.

What do you think about this scenario?

anita