Thank you! Good song and insight! Indeed, I felt discouraged these days already. Although I’m looking forward to get back to Spain, I very often feel like crying. Very often I start crying. I’ve always felt like this when leaving – years ago when I first left my country and every single time since. The days before, I always glorify every little thing. I would tell myself I’ll miss the most insignificant things. I very often used to say I feel anxious because I know that the next time I’ll be back there / here I will be changed – many things have happened, many experiences. Very often I would imagine.. ” who knows where I’ll be when I’m next coming here..”.

However, it does bother me… this feeling of anxiety, feeling like crying.. I used to feel like this also before my classes when I was teaching english in the past. Also knowing that I’m going back to that – I already feel the way I used to. It’s okay, this time I want to work on it and try to find my emotional balance. I feel emotionally imbalanced.

This time is also different, this time I would move away from my relationship. Although she’ll be coming to see me in 2 weeks – for 7 days, I feel like I’ll miss her. It’s a funny thing, because I always feel like I’ll miss her before I leave, or for the next 1..2 days after but after a few days I feel disconnected from her somehow. I almost get into a different mode where I’m on my own and I’m even sometimes bothered by her messages. Maybe it’s a topic for another day, there is so much going on right now. But I’ll see how things are this time. I got used to living with her here in Poland.. It’s been tough some times but still so good. She’s planning to gradually move to Spain and she’s been planting seeds over there lately.

The last days in Poland are so strange.. I feel hopeful, ready and I feel like I’m doing the right thing. Next thing you know I start crying thinking I cannot do all this – like this is too much for me to handle. Also, btw – the school manager asked me if I could already start on Monday, the day of our interview. It will be only 3 hours on Mondays – but still, a good start. ”Oh that’s great!!! I’m ON, that’s good progress. 🙂 Oh f***! That is progress indeed. How the f*** am I going to handle that?”

Well, f*** it. It’s sunny today. I guess I’m taking the kettlebell outside and do a workout.

Take good care of yourself Anita, I hope where you are is also sunny ☀️