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growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma

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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 75 total)
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  • #428088
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Robi:

    Congratulations for setting an interview for the 4th, 3 days after you are scheduled to arrive to Alicante!

    How are you doing these days?“- feeling good enough to sing to the Beatles’, with a smile: “What would you think if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song And I’ll try not to sing out of key”.

    Don’t get discouraged, Robi, when you sing out of tune (literally and figuratively) during your New Beginning. Allow yourself to be the imperfect human specimen that we all are, and gently correct yourself when you.. sing out of tune. Apply gentleness and self discipline to your new Start, New Beginning.

    anita

    #428130
    Robi1992
    Participant

    Thank you! Good song and insight! Indeed, I felt discouraged these days already. Although I’m looking forward to get back to Spain, I very often feel like crying. Very often I start crying. I’ve always felt like this when leaving – years ago when I first left my country and every single time since. The days before, I always glorify every little thing. I would tell myself I’ll miss the most insignificant things. I very often used to say I feel anxious because I know that the next time I’ll be back there / here I will be changed – many things have happened, many experiences. Very often I would imagine.. ” who knows where I’ll be when I’m next coming here..”.

    However, it does bother me… this feeling of anxiety, feeling like crying.. I used to feel like this also before my classes when I was teaching english in the past. Also knowing that I’m going back to that – I already feel the way I used to. It’s okay, this time I want to work on it and try to find my emotional balance. I feel emotionally imbalanced.

    This time is also different, this time I would move away from my relationship. Although she’ll be coming to see me in 2 weeks – for 7 days, I feel like I’ll miss her. It’s a funny thing, because I always feel like I’ll miss her before I leave, or for the next 1..2 days after but after a few days I feel disconnected from her somehow. I almost get into a different mode where I’m on my own and I’m even sometimes bothered by her messages. Maybe it’s a topic for another day, there is so much going on right now. But I’ll see how things are this time. I got used to living with her here in Poland.. It’s been tough some times but still so good. She’s planning to gradually move to Spain and she’s been planting seeds over there lately.

    The last days in Poland are so strange.. I feel hopeful, ready and I feel like I’m doing the right thing. Next thing you know I start crying thinking I cannot do all this – like this is too much for me to handle. Also, btw – the school manager asked me if I could already start on Monday, the day of our interview. It will be only 3 hours on Mondays – but still, a good start. ”Oh that’s great!!! I’m ON, that’s good progress. 🙂 Oh f***! That is progress indeed. How the f*** am I going to handle that?”

    Well, f*** it. It’s sunny today. I guess I’m taking the kettlebell outside and do a workout.

    Take good care of yourself Anita, I hope where you are is also sunny ☀️

     

    #428138
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Robi:

    You are welcome, and thank you (it’s raining this morning and not at all sunny here).

    “Very often I start crying. I’ve always felt like this when leaving – years ago when I first left my country and every single time since… It’s a funny thing, because I always feel like I’ll miss her before I leave, or for the next 1..2 days after, but after a few days I feel disconnected from her somehow. I almost get into a different mode… sometimes bothered by her messages. Maybe it’s a topic for another day, there is so much going on right now”-

    – the topic is very much connected to all that’s going on for you at this time: it is your ambivalent or  disorganized attachment style, which means that when you are with your parents, or with your girlfriend, or in a country (currently Poland), you fit the avoidant attachment style: you often don’t feel attached/ connected (to the people in your life/ the country), and even want to get away, but when you are about to get away, you fit the anxious attachment style and you feel anxious about leaving. It’s the mix of needing a connection and being afraid of it,  and therefore protecting yourself from what you fear. It’s a confusing mix of emotions and emotional motivations.. until you understand the mix.

    “The last days in Poland are so strange.. I feel hopeful, ready and I feel like I’m doing the right thing. Next thing you know I start crying thinking I cannot do all this – like this is too much for me to handle“- what I boldfaced is what happens when you get into the anxious attachment style mode.

    Also, btw – the school manager asked me if I could already start on Monday, the day of our interview“- excellent!

    Well, f*** it. It’s sunny today. I guess I’m taking the kettlebell outside and do a workout“- going outside, under the sun, and exercising are two practices of emotion regulation, which is the thing to do when your anxiety goes up.

    Another practice could be posting here, so keep posting when you can, if it helps.

    anita

    #428157
    Robi1992
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you, you described my attachment ” programming ” very well. It does resonate quite well 🙂

    Also, my therapist mencioned that to me, durring our last meeting. She told me I should read a little about attachment.

    I’ll certainly do that as soon as I have a little space. I first need to cool down a little after these changes..

    I wish you a nice week ahead!

    Take good care,

    Robi

    #428160
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Robi:

    You are welcome and thank you for your wishes! I hope you cool down best you can, one moment, one day at a time, practicing what is known as emotion regulation skills.

    anita

    #428303
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Robi: It’s Friday, March 1, 9:30 pm in Spain, I hope you had a good flight and arrived safe to your New Beginning!

    anita

    #428327
    Robi1992
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for you message, yes I arrived well and now getting used to living here again. It’s very nice here, sunny and bright!

    However, I am a little surprised by the levels of anxiety I’m experiencing. These days Ive been very tense and I felt like I won’t be able to ”make it” ( as in to get a job, get things sorted ). It comes and goes. These days I’ve been invited by friends to all kinds of dinner parties and gatherings but I didn’t join any.. I felt like I wanted some time for myself to focus but didn’t quite manage.

    Now I’m going to meet a friend for a walk and a chat. I’ll write a little later once I’m back home 🙂

    Talk to you soon 🙂

    Robi

    #428328
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Robi:

    Good to read that you arrived well!

    I am a little surprised by the levels of anxiety I’m experiencing. These days I’ve been very tense and I felt like I won’t be able to ‘make it’ ( as in to get a job, get things sorted ). It comes and goes“- enjoy the times it goes, and manage it when it comes back.

    I think that your anxiety is about you feeling not grown up, at 30 (“Growing up- becoming adult” is in the title of this Feb 2024 thread), not like an adult, but like a boy, alone in a new country. Children are afraid to be all alone by themselves; they are afraid that they can’t take care of themselves, as in “to get a job, get things sorted“. They need .. a grown up to get a job and sort things for them.

    Part of you will need to be the grown up that the other part of you needs. Robi the adult has a scared, anxious child with him all the time, a child that needs care.

    I hope you had a nice walk and chat with your friend!

    anita

     

    #428383
    Robi1992
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Indeed, you are right!

    I think that your anxiety is about you feeling not grown up, at 30 (“Growing up- becoming adult” is in the title of this Feb 2024 thread), not like an adult, but like a boy, alone in a new country. Children are afraid to be all alone by themselves; they are afraid that they can’t take care of themselves, as in “to get a job, get things sorted“. They need .. a grown up to get a job and sort things for them.

    Part of you will need to be the grown up that the other part of you needs. Robi the adult has a scared, anxious child with him all the time, a child that needs care.

    I feel this description is very accurate. Thank you 🙂

    I wanted to write back here but yesterday I started the teaching job, only 3 hours on Monday and 3 hours on Wednesday for now – but still, It was a big challenge for me. Saturday and Sunday I felt quite anxious.. I would very often start crying. On Sunday I cried for a long, long time, talked to my girlfriend and went to sleep early.  It did help a lot, I think crying helped me a lot – I guess I’ve been bottling up a lot in the last months – a lot has happened. So on Monday I woke up a lot more relaxed, almost ”careless”. Although I was going to have an interview, I didn’t feel than anxious about it.. I felt quite relaxed. I felt as if something has lifted off my chest the day before. Maybe I needed to cry.. Maybe also talking to my girlfriend helped, but I feel ashamed to talk to her when I’m in a very low mood.. especially if I feel like crying. I don’t know.. maybe it’s the way we’ve been told masculinity is supposed to be like – you are not supposed to cry in front of your girlfriend, you have to be strong and stable. Well – I do it sometimes.. we both do.. we both cry when things get tough. I don’t mind her being vulnerable and I guess she doesn’t mind me being vulnerable either. We are both very sensitive human beings 🙂

    Today, after yesterdays classes I feel okay.. I am a bit anxious and I feel a little like crying still.. I feel like I’m missing something. I do miss my girlfriend and I miss being with her, all though I didn’t like being in Poland. Also, I would have to learn how to structure my classes properly – which is something I don’t know how to do at all. The head teacher seems to trust me a lot giving me responsibilities I have no idea about so I feel like I’m impersonating someone who knows what he’s doing. It’s quite hard.. I’ll have to learn on the go. But I want to try my best, maybe I can make it work. I don’t feel like teaching english is necessarily my kind of job.. but then again.. nothing seems to be. I think if I managed to plan my lessons well and follow the books, I might be able to do it, and it’s quite a flexible job so it might work for now, for my growth. I feel now, less anxious than before.. I feel like I can do it but I have to make sure I don’t procrastinate and put in the effort needed to plan my lessons. I think, If I do that, things might work quite well.  I have the habit of walking in the classroom with no plan at all ( because I procrastinate ), then panic because I have no plan at all and don’t know what to do. I end up improvising, doing all kinds of activities with no clear aim, avoiding teaching grammar and mostly making conversation. This is not only unprofessional but it’s also a major source of stress. I gotta work on this.

    Today and tomorrow I want to focus on planning my Wednesday classes – this time I hope I’ll have the structure and make everything work better. I will have to learn on the go, but I think It’s the right thing to do right now.

    As for the anxiety, I don’t know what to do. I’d like to deal with it and heal that wounded child in me. But what if I cry.. for a little bit, whenever I feel like it? Isn’t that a way of releasing some of the stress?

    Have a good day Anita, take good care! 🙂

    Robi

     

    #428402
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Robi:

    You are welcome, and congrats on having started your new job!

    Saturday and Sunday I felt quite anxious.. I would very often start crying. On Sunday I cried for a long, long time, talked to my girlfriend and went to sleep early… I think crying helped me a lot… So on Monday I woke up a lot more relaxed, almost ‘careless’… but I feel ashamed to talk to her when I’m in a very low mood.. especially if I feel like crying. I don’t know.. maybe it’s the way we’ve been told masculinity is supposed to be like“-

    – It is sad and unfair to boys and men to grow up with this message that “big boys don’t cry” (as the song says) because statistically, men end up dying at younger ages than women because of unreleased stress/ anxiety. So, please, do cry.

    The head teacher seems to trust me a lot giving me responsibilities I have no idea about so I feel like I’m impersonating someone who knows what he’s doing“- keep impersonating someone who knows what he’s doing until such time that you know what you’re doing..

    I don’t feel like teaching English is necessarily my kind of job.. but then again.. nothing seems to be“- some day you will find yourself feeling, on a regular, consistent basis, that you belong somewhere, that you are a real part of something (a place, a job, a relationship).

    I have to make sure I don’t procrastinate and put in the effort needed to plan my lessons. I think, If I do that, things might work quite well.  I have the habit of walking in the classroom with no plan at all ( because I procrastinate ), then panic because I have no plan at all and don’t know what to do“- it is difficult to change habits. Procrastinating has served a valid need for you, which is, seems to me, to lower your anxiety level. To change something that serves you takes a strong motivation and a plan.

    Today and tomorrow I want to focus on planning my Wednesday classes – this time I hope I’ll have the structure and make everything work better“- planning and having structure in your day are very important when it comes to changing a habit.

    As for the anxiety, I don’t know what to do. I’d like to deal with it and heal that wounded child in me. But what if I cry.. for a little bit, whenever I feel like it? Isn’t that a way of releasing some of the stress?“- crying is fine! And so is planning and structure in your day, these three things will help lower your anxiety and form a new habit.

    Have a good day Anita, take good care!“- thank you, and you too!

    anita

    #428590
    anita
    Participant

    Be patient, Robi.. don’t give up, be resilient.. I am rooting for you!

    anita

    #428603
    Robi1992
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Damn I got a lot busier! I guess it’s a good thing, quite necessary I’d say. Last week I worked 8 hours teaching english but I felt like I was working 2 shifts 🙂 I’m experiencing a lot of impostor syndrome and insecurities which such up a lot of my energy so I often end up being emotionally tired. Also, the fact that I don’t quite know how to teach and follow books etc. doesn’t help. I keep feeling like I’m impersonating someone who knows what he’s doing. I guess I should be good at that – I’ve been doing it all my life in many ways and circumstances. I guess I would’ve done anything not to be seen as unexperienced insecure or vulnerable ( at least in the past ) but I guess in the last years I’ve learned to be more accepting of myself.

    Yesterday I’ve been teaching for 5 hours in a row… 2 hours online, and 3 in class. I almost gave up on doing the online ones – I find it a lot harder, it’s a lot harder to follow the book and the digital book I have and could share with them doesn’t quite work for me.. Teaching online makes it even more difficult but in the end I didn’t give up – I need the money and I need to be financially independent as soon as I can. So, let’s see. I’ve had days when I felt like this is too much and wanted to apply for another job, in a beach bar. I’ll try to stick to this and see where it takes me although I must admit I don’t think I like teaching English… I just want those hours to end. Last week I’ve had 8 hours and this week I think I’ll have around 14. Today I have a new group and I’ll be teaching them for 2 hours – today I have some more time to relax ( soon I’m going for a workout on the beach ).

    The one thing I’m really excited about is the arrival of my girlfriend on Thursday. She’ll be here for 10 days! I’m very happy about that.. I feel quite lonely since I came back here. I haven’t even seen many of my friends or gone out drinking with them, the way I used to do in the past when I used to live here. This time I seem to have a different mindset – this time I’m more focused on my growth and my financial stability. But I’m glad I didn’t escape anything and I sat down with my anxiety and kept my eyes on the prize. I seem to have grown a lot closer to my girlfriend, as if she’s both my best friend and partner. It all feels like home – in a really good way.

    So let’s see, how everything develops. I also want to look for more hours in other schools, but these days I’ve been quite tired. I’ve only been here for about 10 days but I feel like I’ve been here for months.. I am slowly rooting myself in a good way and I feel I’m on a good track. I often feel afraid I’ll get fired because I most probably don’t deliver good quality work, but I’ll give it a chance and see what happens. Maybe I’m giving myself too much of a hard time, maybe I’m doing better than I think. Either way.. I was thinking yesterday morning on the beach after finishing my meditation – ” So what if I fail? Better fail than not even try ”.

    I’ll just try and see 🙂

    Take good care Anita, I hope you’ve had a nice weekend and all is good with you!

    Thank you!

    Robi

    #428609
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Robi:

    You are welcome, thank you, and good to read from you again!

    I’m experiencing a lot of impostor syndrome and insecurities which suck up a lot of my energy so I often end up being emotionally tired… I keep feeling like I’m impersonating someone who knows what he’s doing“-

    – from very well mind/ imposter syndrome and social anxiety: “Studies also suggest that people who come from families that experienced high levels of conflict with low amounts of support may be more likely to experience imposter syndrome… Entering a new role can trigger impostor syndrome. For example… when starting a new position at work…
    <p id=”mntl-sc-block_1-0-93″ class=”comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html”>”To move past these feelings, you need to become comfortable confronting some of the deeply ingrained beliefs you hold about yourself…  Talk to other people about how you are feeling… Make a realistic assessment of your abilities. Write down your accomplishments and what you are good at… Don’t focus on doing things perfectly, but rather, do things reasonably well and reward yourself for taking action… Question whether your thoughts are rational…  Don’t fight the feelings of not belonging. Instead, try to lean into them and accept them…</p>
    <p class=”comp mntl-sc-block mntl-sc-block-html”>”No matter how much you feel like you are a fraud or that you don’t belong, don’t let that stop you from pursuing your goals. Keep going and refuse to be stopped…. Don’t be held back by your fear of being found out. Instead, lean into that feeling and get to its roots. Let your guard down and allow others to see the real you”.</p>
    Back to your post: “In the last years I’ve learned to be more accepting of myself… Teaching online makes it even more difficult but in the end I didn’t give up – I need the money… I haven’t even seen many of my friends or gone out drinking with them, the way I used to do in the past when I used to live here. This time I seem to have a different mindset – this time I’m more focused on my growth and my financial stability… I sat down with my anxiety and kept my eyes on the prize“-

    – Change, Progress and Adulting: Robi growing up- becoming adult (part of the title of your thread), I am positively impressed!

    The one thing I’m really excited about is the arrival of my girlfriend on Thursday. She’ll be here for 10 days! I’m very happy about that… I seem to have grown a lot closer to my girlfriend, as if she’s both my best friend and partner. It all feels like home – in a really good way“- your girlfriend is your home, and it’s a very good thing!

    I’ve only been here for about 10 days but I feel like I’ve been here for months… Maybe I’m giving myself too much of a hard time, maybe I’m doing better than I think“- the Imposter Syndrome is indeed exhausting, taking a lot of your energy (like you stated in the beginning of your post), and time therefore feels longer.  And you are definitely doing better than you think (thinking that you are doing worse than you actually are is in the core of the Imposter Syndrome)

    “I was thinking yesterday morning on the beach after finishing my meditation – ‘So what if I fail? Better fail than not even try ‘“- this is courage, Robi being Courageous!

    anita

     

    #428610
    anita
    Participant

    Re-submitted:

    Dear Robi:

    You are welcome, thank you, and good to read from you again!

    I’m experiencing a lot of impostor syndrome and insecurities which suck up a lot of my energy so I often end up being emotionally tired… I keep feeling like I’m impersonating someone who knows what he’s doing“-

    – from very well mind/ imposter syndrome and social anxiety: “Studies also suggest that people who come from families that experienced high levels of conflict with low amounts of support may be more likely to experience imposter syndrome… Entering a new role can trigger impostor syndrome. For example… when starting a new position at work…

    ”To move past these feelings, you need to become comfortable confronting some of the deeply ingrained beliefs you hold about yourself…  Talk to other people about how you are feeling… Make a realistic assessment of your abilities. Write down your accomplishments and what you are good at… Don’t focus on doing things perfectly, but rather, do things reasonably well and reward yourself for taking action… Question whether your thoughts are rational…  Don’t fight the feelings of not belonging. Instead, try to lean into them and accept them…

    ”No matter how much you feel like you are a fraud or that you don’t belong, don’t let that stop you from pursuing your goals. Keep going and refuse to be stopped…. Don’t be held back by your fear of being found out. Instead, lean into that feeling and get to its roots. Let your guard down and allow others to see the real you”.

    Back to your post: “In the last years I’ve learned to be more accepting of myself… Teaching online makes it even more difficult but in the end I didn’t give up – I need the money… I haven’t even seen many of my friends or gone out drinking with them, the way I used to do in the past when I used to live here. This time I seem to have a different mindset – this time I’m more focused on my growth and my financial stability… I sat down with my anxiety and kept my eyes on the prize“-

    – Change, Progress and Adulting: Robi growing up- becoming adult (part of the title of your thread), I am positively impressed!

    The one thing I’m really excited about is the arrival of my girlfriend on Thursday. She’ll be here for 10 days! I’m very happy about that… I seem to have grown a lot closer to my girlfriend, as if she’s both my best friend and partner. It all feels like home – in a really good way“- your girlfriend is your home, and it’s a very good thing!

    I’ve only been here for about 10 days but I feel like I’ve been here for months… Maybe I’m giving myself too much of a hard time, maybe I’m doing better than I think“- the Imposter Syndrome is indeed exhausting, taking a lot of your energy (like you stated in the beginning of your post), and time therefore feels longer.  And you are definitely doing better than you think (thinking that you are doing worse than you actually are is in the core of the Imposter Syndrome)

    “I was thinking yesterday morning on the beach after finishing my meditation – ‘So what if I fail? Better fail than not even try ‘“- this is courage, Robi being Courageous!

    anita

    #430477
    Robi1992
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    It’s been a while. I again kept wanting to write but I was either too short on time or too overwhelmed. I guess I’m not used to be this busy anymore. I hope all is good with you and you’ve enjoyed the Easter time 🙂 Mine wasn’t as relaxing and festive as I imagined it. I guess things are hardly ever the way we expect them to be. I’ve been living in Spain and working now for one month – 4 weeks of everything. The first week I’ve worked 8 hours instead of the expected 3, the second week I’ve worked 14, the third week I’ve worked 12 due to some holiday and last week I’ve only worked until Wednesday due to the Easter break. I’ve been on holiday since Wednesday and I’m going to be free until Sunday! Damn I felt like I needed it..

    I’m now writing from a cafe in the centre of Warsaw – I came here on Friday to spend the Easter holidays with my girlfriend. What a fast month this has been.. such contrast being again back here. I feel like many things have changed and I’ve made a big step outside the circle I was used to. I feel like I’ve been pushed forward by the forces of the universe and everything related to Warsaw seems to have happened ages ago, although it has only been one month. This is great though! I stepped out of my comfort zone and again realised there isn’t much to be worried about. Actually, there’s nothing to be worried about. The only truly worrying situation was the one I was in – not taking action and not fully trusting myself. Almost sounds like a cliché – a bumper sticker I might one day stick to the bottom of my car.

    I understand why I wouldn’t trust myself. I disconnected from myself a long time ago and I guess I’ve treated myself the same way I would treat someone who hasn’t returned my calls for years – also the same way I’ve treated my parents, I didn’t trust them either. I switched myself off in favour of a more ”environmental friendly” version –  a version that would adapt to his environment – to his parents, teachers friends etc. A version that carried me through my childhood, teens and 20’s. Now in my 30’s I see this version collapsing. Finally!

    Now, there are a few issues. Growing is great! I feel empowered and I seem to deal with my work life a lot better than I did before! Having a job, a schedule and the opportunity to explain sh*t to other people is great! – because I get to learn a lot about social dynamics / working with different kinds of people from all walks of life. ( private school has mostly adults ) The thing is.. I don’t really like being an English teacher. I think I like teaching.. I like explaining sh*t to people – I just don’t like teaching English. It doesn’t really mean anything to me. After second week already the feeling of anxiety and impostor syndrome have been replaced by a feeling of selling myself too short. I feel like I’m working for peanuts. And for the most part, I guess that’s a very accurate way to describe my job. I gotta prepare the classes, know my sh*t well and manage groups of students who have different levels. All this leaves me very, very tired at the end of every class. I also have to fill in a lot of paperwork and do quite a few things in my free time. At the end of the month I’ve only managed to get half of what I would consider a decent salary. Okay.. I haven’t really worked the full month because they gradually gave more classes.. but still. It’s funny how I jumped from being so anxious to feeling undervalued. But I’m glad I did! Now, I’m not going to quit my job.. but I’m now thinking of better options. There’s something burning inside of me! There’s a part of me that keeps telling me I can do a lot better and I want to listen to my inner voice. I was so glad to have this 10 days holiday so I can zoom out and do some thinking. Today seems to be the first day I’m able to do that.. I’ve been on holiday for almost a week now.. I don’t really know what happened but after working those 4 weeks I’ve felt so tired every day and I couldn’t really connect to myself and focus on my usual introspections. My brain was filled with fog and I almost felt like I don’t have the cognitive capacity to achieve anything. By the way, I also feel like this before every full / new moon or some astrological events. I’m one of those who seems to react very deeply to what’s going on out there. But maybe let’s not dive into that.

    Maybe I just needed a few days to rest. Could be because I’m not used to having a schedule / work with people etc. Could also be because I don’t like what I do and that takes a lot of my energy. Maybe it’s the moon. Or maybe all of the above. Either way, here I am now introspecting and writing it down. I needed this so much. I needed to zoom out but also zoom in.

    Now I feel like I want to learn more about honouring my authentic self. Although I am very grateful for now having a job, for having moved on and for my newly expanded awareness, still, I feel like I need to expand more. I believe that every human being has its gifts. Some discover them at an early stage and grow in tune with their life purpose – very often not even knowing it. I am tempted to say I wish I was one of them.. but something in me doesn’t want me saying it. Some find out that their gifts lay exactly where their wounds are. I sometimes feel like this speaks to me. I haven’t yet found my own way of expression – my voice, my fingerprint / the way I show up in the world.

    Luckily,  I know a few things:

    1) Giving my energy to places and people that don’t resonate with me is no good – that just doesn’t feel right.

    2) I want to have my own way of doing things. I want to serve others in my own authentic way and I don’t want to work for anyone else’s dream. I want to find mine. I’ve recently heard someone say: ” In modern society the opposite of courage isn’t cowardness, but conformity ”. – this really resonated with me. I guess I’m that kind of guy.. who doesn’t want to join the masses – I don’t feel like having some meaningless job in the corporate world chasing a newer BMW every 2 years while going bald and visiting a chiropractor every week. You know what I mean..

    I feel like I need to keep growing and trusting my path and now, more than ever I feel like I have absolutely NO REASON not to. I want to learn how to better hear my inner voice and how to better focus on the things that matter right now. I want to work on my daily practice and discipline and I want to learn how to use my energy authentically. I want to be again in tune with my inner child and with the desire and vision I know I once had.

    It’s funny.. because I’ve been gradually doing all those things already for quite some time – and I see the change and the great results. But I keep asking myself.. What if I become good at it? 🙂

     

    Anita, I got a little carried away.. again. I hope my post isn’t too long for you to read. It surely feels good writing it down 🙂 I now have more clarity and I both zoomed in and zoomed out.

    Thank you so much for giving me this space!

    Sending you a big hug >:D<

    Robi

     

     

     

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