growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma

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    Dear Robi:

    Good to read again from you, as always!

    I guess things are hardly ever the way we expect them to be“- for as long as we keep expecting what is unrealistic to expect, lol.

    I’m now writing from a cafe in the centre of Warsaw”– sounds exotic, I’ve never been there, wanted to.

    I came here on Friday to spend the Easter holidays with my girlfriend. What a fast month this has been.. such contrast being again back here… This is great though! I stepped out of my comfort zone and again realised there isn’t much to be worried about. Actually, there’s nothing to be worried about. The only truly worrying situation was the one I was in – not taking action and not fully trusting myself. Almost sounds like a cliché – a bumper sticker I might one day stick to the bottom of my car“- not a cliche to me. I do wish you copied some of this into a plaque to put on the wall, or if small enough, to carry with you wherever you go.

    I understand why I wouldn’t trust myself… Now in my 30’s I see this version collapsing. Finally!“- C o N g R a T u L a T i O n S,   Robi!

    Now, there are a few issues“- of course, there always are, sooner or later (nice to have breaks from issue though).

    Growing is great! I feel empowered and I seem to deal with my work life a lot better than I did before!…  The thing is.. I don’t really like being an English teacher. I think I like teaching… I just don’t like teaching English… I feel like I’m working for peanuts… I jumped from being so anxious to feeling undervalued… I’m not going to quit my job.. but I’m now thinking of better options. There’s something burning inside of me! There’s a part of me that keeps telling me I can do a lot better and I want to listen to my inner voice… here I am now introspecting and writing it down. I needed this so much. I needed to zoom out but also zoom in. Now I feel like I want to learn more about honouring my authentic self… I feel like I need to expand more… I haven’t yet found my own way of expression – my voice, my fingerprint / the way I show up in the world“- Empowered, you want more of it, more power. The feeling of power-within is intoxicating, isn’t it? And then, from that feeling of personal power, envisioning how much greater life can be. . you underestimate how great it already is. The here-and-now seems inferior when you imagine greater things.

    Please do listen and honor your authentic self and keep that something-inside of you burning, but turn the fire down so that you don’t get consumed in it. Don’t get carried away with the feeling of power. Keep yourself grounded in reality. And do look for better paying, less exhausting, more meaningful (for you) options.

    Luckily,  I know a few things… I want to have my own way of doing things… I’ve recently heard someone say: ‘In modern society the opposite of courage isn’t cowardness, but conformity’ – this really resonated with me. I guess I’m that kind of guy.. who doesn’t want to join the masses – I don’t feel like having some meaningless job… I want to be again in tune with my inner child and with the desire and vision I know I once had…“- your inner child is excited, empowered and hopeful, and he needs Robi-the-adult’s guidance. Robi-the-adult needs to pace the child-within, to teach him to have his own way of doing things.. in realistic, reasonable ways.

    No adult can get to a place of non-conformity without conforming in some ways. It is not one or the other. Dare to conform where and when needed, dare to not conform when it’s possible! And it is possible for you to not conform in someways, every day. Take advantage of these every day opportunities. No such opportunity is too small to bother with!

    Thank you so much for giving me this space! Sending you a big hug Robi“- you are very welcome, thank you for coming back here, and a big virtual hug back to you! Take care of yourself, be good to your girlfriend and to yourself!


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