Dear G:

(I am adding the boldface feature to the quotes): “I am experiencing a dynamic that I recognize as habitual to me… I am committing to ‘holding the baby’ of anger, and letting it scream and cry without allowing the feeling to turn into action on my part- lashing out or otherwise reacting to these old emotions still needing care and attention”-

– an emotional- behavioral habit has been formed in the context of relationships: experiencing the emotion of fear and anger and expressing them behaviorally by lashing out, or otherwise saying or doing something you don’t think that you should.

“I have noticed that as I am trying to attend to my triggered emotions internally, without seeking external validation in my relationship (not ignoring my feelings, but self-soothing and focusing on caring for myself) I am getting angry more often! It’s only been a couple of days but I feel like my anger or fear is a little kid who I am changing the rules with, and they don’t understand so they are ramping up their attempts to test the boundaries”-

– the child part of you, aka the inner child, is in the habit of soothing herself by lashing out and otherwise expressing herself behaviorally in ways that the adult part of you disapproves of. She doesn’t know any other way. She is not in the habit of soothing herself according to new rules and regulations introduced to her by the adult part of you.

“Has anyone else experienced this?“- yes, I experienced this, a whole lot of it. And I finally got my inner child to take on a new habit. Every day, at least once, I repeat in my mind what I call the NPARR strategy: “Notice (when I feel fear or anger, or when I am ruminating and feeling distressed), Pause (push the pause button on the rumination/ the escalating anger, I  pause before I react behaviorally), Address (I ask myself: what is happening- internally and externally- what is the nature of the situation I am in, what needs to be done to address the situation effectively?), Respond-or-not (respond behaviorally- saying or doing something- or not), and Redirect (focus my attention elsewhere).

“Does anyone have and words of encouragement for me? LOL… validate me, strangers on the internet..“- changing old habits/ forming new habits takes time and repetition. I did it and so can you! And we don’t have to be strangers, G..!

anita