Dear Robi:

You are welcome, and congrats on having started your new job!

“Saturday and Sunday I felt quite anxious.. I would very often start crying. On Sunday I cried for a long, long time, talked to my girlfriend and went to sleep early… I think crying helped me a lot… So on Monday I woke up a lot more relaxed, almost ‘careless’… but I feel ashamed to talk to her when I’m in a very low mood.. especially if I feel like crying. I don’t know.. maybe it’s the way we’ve been told masculinity is supposed to be like“-

– It is sad and unfair to boys and men to grow up with this message that “big boys don’t cry” (as the song says) because statistically, men end up dying at younger ages than women because of unreleased stress/ anxiety. So, please, do cry.

“The head teacher seems to trust me a lot giving me responsibilities I have no idea about so I feel like I’m impersonating someone who knows what he’s doing“- keep impersonating someone who knows what he’s doing until such time that you know what you’re doing..

“I don’t feel like teaching English is necessarily my kind of job.. but then again.. nothing seems to be“- some day you will find yourself feeling, on a regular, consistent basis, that you belong somewhere, that you are a real part of something (a place, a job, a relationship).

“I have to make sure I don’t procrastinate and put in the effort needed to plan my lessons. I think, If I do that, things might work quite well.  I have the habit of walking in the classroom with no plan at all ( because I procrastinate ), then panic because I have no plan at all and don’t know what to do“- it is difficult to change habits. Procrastinating has served a valid need for you, which is, seems to me, to lower your anxiety level. To change something that serves you takes a strong motivation and a plan.

“Today and tomorrow I want to focus on planning my Wednesday classes – this time I hope I’ll have the structure and make everything work better“- planning and having structure in your day are very important when it comes to changing a habit.

“As for the anxiety, I don’t know what to do. I’d like to deal with it and heal that wounded child in me. But what if I cry.. for a little bit, whenever I feel like it? Isn’t that a way of releasing some of the stress?“- crying is fine! And so is planning and structure in your day, these three things will help lower your anxiety and form a new habit.

“Have a good day Anita, take good care!“- thank you, and you too!

anita