Dear Going Through Life:

You are welcome and thank you for being so nice, gracious, I appreciate it!

“While breaking up she told me that because of the distance and the timings, it’s better we stop talking, after that I talked to her a bit and not much. Then after a few days she texted me she met someone else…. she was lying”-

– putting the long-distance factor aside for a moment, what I boldfaced above could be, maybe, her excuses for not having continued the relationship with you. Being that women are the ones traditionally pursued, it is often that when rejecting men who pursue them, women come up with tactful, untrue reasons aimed at sparing the pursuer’s feelings and avoiding a confrontation. In this case, she may have been saying (paraphrased): I am not interested in talking with you, not because I don’t like this or that about you, but because of the distance and wrong timing, nothing to do with you! 2nd time, perhaps wanting to get the message across to you more clearly, she told you that she met someone else.

“She hoped we could stay friends“- this could have been part of the rejection-package, so to speak. When rejecting a man’s advances, most women are careful about not hurting the man’s feelings, not just, or necessarily because of being kind, but so to not incur a man’s anger, not wanting the man angry at them.

But she could have meant it, I don’t know. And she may be a kind, honest (and tactful) person, and mature enough to understand the disadvantages of a long-distance relationship.

“I feel like there’s a strong connection there… I actually felt a really strong pure bond with her… It’s been almost 3 months since we talked and still I can’t get rid of these feelings. These feelings scare me but the though about her makes me smile a lot. I think that happens when you really like someone“- no doubts you have strong, positive feelings for her. But these feelings were not as strong throughout the 3 months, not same intensity, and your attention was often elsewhere. Same is true to her, her feelings don’t stay the same.

Your current feelings for her are not any kind of evidence that she is feeling the same, or similarly. I know that you are aware of what I just typed, but I am stating this because there is a subconscious belief in these feelings (of longing for another person),  that they are feeling the same. There is no basis in reality to this belief.

“Although she is really attractive and I don’t find myself as attractive as her physically. In confident that I’m consistently working on myself and feeling better and confident….Don’t know how to start the conversation with her, whether I should just write a whole paragraph and send her or to first ask about casual stuff first… I’m kind of putting my respect on the line“-

– if you send her a casual short message, like how are you?, she’d probably figure that you are pursuing the (long-distance) romantic relationship that you had with her, and that you re pursuing it in a timid, least risky way. What if you write her a long-enough paragraph where you present yourself not as a timid man who’s afraid to be rejected, but as a strong, confident man who can take rejection?

This would be a unique approach that can give you an advantage over the competition (assuming she is not in a relationship currently)- a man who comes across differently from others. This can make you look attractive in her eyes. It is an attitude that can attract other women to you.

In this paragraph, you can tell her how you feel about her, what you like about her, and what you would like from her, given the long-distance factor, and ask her if it suits her. Be honest, direct, straight forward and caring (for her well-being), all at the same time. What do you have to lose with this approach?

anita