Dear antarkala:

You are welcome. I wonder if I understand correctly (please let me know if I do): generally, you enjoy a social life but you are also anxious in social situations, and therefore it drains you. You wish that your boyfriend would have made it easier for you in social situations: that he would take charge where you struggle and smoothen the way for you. It upsets you somewhat (you are disappointed) that he can’t. You think less of him because of that, thinking that he is not as.. qualified/ as strong as he should be to be your husband (something like that..?)

If this is what is going on, at least in part, then Tommy has a good point in his reply: traditionally, girls are raised to have very high and unrealistic, super human expectations from men, and they end up disappointed. Think of it this way, if you will: in every woman there is a little girl who is sometimes scared and needs help, but it is also true that in every man there is a little boy who is sometimes scared and needs help. Better see the boy in a man than see a prince on a pedestal.

There are many women who are attracted to what is referred to as bad boys, tough, insensitive and rude men who sacrifice their hearts for the appearance of strength. This doesn’t work out for the women, but it shows you how attractive (the appearance) of strength is to many women.

In reality, both women and men are weak and strong, both, and a good partnership is that of the two (man and woman) helping each other, encouraging and sharing each other’s strengths for the benefit of the team.

When a woman expresses to the man her unrealistic expectations of him, and her disappointment, it weakens the man.

Dating is the time to learn about the compatibility of the couple, but don’t let unrealistic expectations based in rigid gender roles get in your way of evaluating your compatibility with your boyfriend.

Is this helpful to you? Please let me know, I would like to explore this further and be helpful to you.

anita