Continued:

I have a problem with anger: I don’t know how to feel angry without feeling that I am a bad person for feeling angry. Feeling angry, to me, indicates that I am a bad person.

I tend to be judgmental of people and .. jump into feeling angry.

I need to fix my relationship with anger and moderate my rushing into feeling angry.

Feeling that I am a bad person fuels my anxiety (hence the relevance to the title of this thread). I need to feel that I am a good person, and I often do these days, except when I get angry, and when I rush into it.

I got angry at a woman, the day before yesterday, in real-life, because she sells eggs (she raised high quality chickens) for $5 a dozen instead of the $3-4 or so that the supermarket charges for free range eggs, and I told her that she overprices her eggs (which now I acknowledge, is not true). I was also angry at her for this or that other reason. Yesterday, I apologized to her and she accepted. But on the same day, I got angry at someone else, irl,  and was fuming inside me. This fuming in anger is difficult for me to endure. I can’t feel okay with it.

The origin of my trouble with anger is two folds: (1) that person, formerly known as my mother, was very, very… very judgmental of people, often venting to me her judgments and anger at length, telling me how terribly they hurt her feelings, and in so many ways (which she generously detailed and elaborated on). As she vented, my empathy was with her, and I joined her in-anger at .. everyone, at one time or another, leaving me no people to not be angry at. Fast forward, I get judgmental and angry at .. well, almost everyone,  sooner or later.

(2) I was angry at that person a whole lot. VERY ANGRY, but would be silent about it.  Angry at her and.. judgmental of, and angry at myself, for feeling so angry at her, as in being a bad.. bad.. bad daughter.

Feeling Guilty for feeling Angry.

To be continued.

anita