Dear Paradoxy,

What makes her actions even more pointless is that the church still did NOTHING other than tell my parents, despite telling her that my OWN PARENTS are the cause of my suffering. So really, the best thing she could have done was to keep her mouth shut.

Yes, that’s a tragedy that nothing happened afterwards, that basically the ADULTS at the Church have covered it up. But she, your teenage friend, did well: she did tell her parents that you attempted suicide because of your parents. But that key piece of information got lost, and no one made an attempt to investigate and see what really happened. And to get you a psychologist.

That was a serious omission by the Church leadership, not by your friend. Your friend did well – she didn’t know what would happen afterwards.

Tee, it was literally a 10 minute conversation that happened like one time. There is not enough information about me for her to assume that I would indeed kill myself when I CLEARLY STATED THAT I WOULDN’T

She was just a teen, Paradoxy. As I said, it was too big of a secret to keep. It would have been for anyone, not just for a teen. And she did tell her parents the full truth: that you did it because of your parents. Someone else (most probably the Church leadership) messed up here, not your friend.

A lot of people randomly state crazy things, even as jokes. Do you see people reporting them all the time for these random claims?

You actually attempted suicide. It wasn’t just a random statement or a joke.

Based on her logic, if I had joked about bombing the school or something, she would have probably called the swat team on me before the end of the day.

Well, if you had been repeatedly saying that you’d bomb the school, and if you showed some other suspicious behavior, then she would have had the right to warn someone. Better to be safe than sorry.

I am back at my parents’ place, and it has not even been one week yet and my dad is already pissing me off. Shutting down all my attempts to express my issues, telling me to suck it up and be a man. Saying that I never learn my lesson and I am a pig because no matter how many times you bathe a pig, they will run right back into the mud.

That’s awful how your father is treating you! Is this what he was telling you when your neighbors threatened to call the social services? Throwing at you insults like these?

Fortunately I am going back to college tomorrow but I still have to endure an hour long call every single day.

I can imagine how “pleasant” those talks might feel :\

Everyone has shoved me into this small corner and then they wonder why I am stuck in this corner. Don’t even have the courage to ask a girl out cause of the constant reminder that she is better off without a loser like me, even if she answered yes.

I am glad that you are becoming aware of who the main culprit is: your parents, and I guess your father being culprit No1. I am glad you are awakening to this.

Unfortunately, having been treated awfully your entire life made you adopt that false image of yourself: that you are a loser. That you cause people pain.

Not only are you hearing the same toxic litany about yourself every day, for an entire hour (when your father calls you), but your own inner critic is telling you the same. So you have an outer bully (actually more of them: B included) and your own internal bully, who is telling you horrible things about yourself.

The task now would be to be aware that these bullies (both outer and inner) are lying. That they are falsely accusing you. Just like B was/is falsely accusing you. That those are all lies and fabrications. Unfair, unjust claims.

And so, the task at this point would be to simply acknowledge that what they’re saying is not true. The large majority of those claims is simply not true.

In other words, you would need to recognize that you have external critics (your parents and B), and the inner critic. These critics are lying. They are falsely accusing you. They are pretty merciless too. They have zero empathy and understanding for you.

I am not sure how I can find people who have some empathy for me when they all push me away anyway.

Those who are pushing you away are primarily your bullies, your critics: Your parents, B, and your own inner critic.

Many other people are not pushing you away, e.g. your high school crush, who wanted you to cook for her.

Even the people you think are against you (like your school friend who informed her parents) are actually NOT against you. They try to help, but you see it as an attack because you are afraid of the bully’s reaction.

So far (specially in the beginning of this thread) you had endless understanding for B, as well as your parents, and very little understanding for your school friend and for yourself. Your empathy was with the bully, not with the victim (yourself) or those who tried to help you.

It is time to turn that around, Paradoxy. Give your compassion and understanding to those who deserve it (yourself, people who try to help you), and withdraw it from those who want to hurt you. That’s when your healing can begin.