Continued:

My mother was a weak, tormented woman, in so much pain for so long. No wonder she took advantage of this unique opportunity to turn things around and be The Powerful One, for a change, the powerful one over a child she brought into this world. For she gave me life, she OWNS me.. I owe her. It’s her time then, time to cross over from powerless to powerful. It’s her right… Not.

Strange when motherhood is about getting even, taking power back. At the expense of.

Did I say my mother? Yes, I did. That person.. the one with the title mother.

The RAGE within me is about me being powerless, subjugated by her, humiliated, blamed, shamed, tormented.. for her contentment, for her relief, for her getting even, being in power, for a change.

I understand her motivation, her pain, her powerlessness, yet I can’t help but feel enraged.. as if I mattered too, as if I am a person too, like her, not some thing to be used and abused.

That person destroyed so much of me, so many decades, just so to get even with people who were not me, none of my doing.

The Story of Abuse. No. Not a mother, but a person who took advantage of a child.

anita