Dear Niki:

“Some moments I just want to shout“- I imagine your usual calm, measured, controlled voice by your writing: perfectly accurate grammar (as far as I can tell), measured rhythm, calm tone.. perfectly intelligent, educated writing.

But underneath, there is an angry girl who wants to shout!

“I am finding it really hard to forgive myself for being soooo stupid… I could see the patterns and parallels and it doesn’t feel good.“- there is an equation my past therapist taught me a dozen years ago: Wise Mind= Rational Mind + Emotional Mind.  To act wisely, we need not only rational intelligence but emotional intelligence.

The latter requires the courage (1) to see things as they are even though it doesn’t feel good to see them as they are, things we wish were different, (2) to break the status quo, to change the patterns and parallels; to depart from your mother’s ways and to choose your own way.

“I’ve noticed a pattern: those used to receiving help have… become perpetual takers, while the givers in our family, like rivers, keep flowing endlessly… this admiration comes with expectations that are taxing and unrealistic. They expect us to behave in a certain way… It’s exhausting. I’m tired of being the role model and the go-to person for help… It’s taken a toll on my mental health… falling into the same trap my mom since her younger days“- the status quo is you being a role model and a giver, a super human specimen who is not expected to take, to fail, to be human.

As a human, these super- human expectations and status quo is taking a toll on your mental health. Did I understand correctly?

anita