Dear Paradoxy,

A correction to my last sentence. I don’t think you’d become similar to your father, because he is a bully. I think you would be become a perpetual victim, getting stuck in a relationship with a bully (someone like B), who would abuse you, and you would keep finding excuses for her while believing her accusations that you are actually a bad guy.

What you need is a different relationship with yourself. You need to start loving yourself and empathizing with your pain. You cannot keep believing your father when he tells you that you are a pig:

Turns out he was right. I told my guy friend what my dad said and he pointed out that technically I am still a pig cause I am still talking to B despite everything she did, cause she is the mud that I should be staying away from.

I need proof that they are not speaking the truth. Cause my dad kept pointing out how my scores are so bad and how I am literally the lowest scoring person in my class, barely over the passing mark. I can’t deny that. So with evidence like that, obviously I would believe him.

In both of those cases, it is what your inner critic is telling you: that you are a pig because you are weak for not being able to cut B off. And that you are a pig (or a loser or whatever other attribute) because you are not getting good grades, studying something you never wanted.

Your inner critic (which is the internalized voice of your father) is dominating your inner life. Unfortunately, it’s the strongest voice in your head at the moment. It is actually your internal bully, who is terrorizing you.

If you want to start healing and stop being a victim, you would need to find another voice beside the bully: a compassionate voice. A voice of a good, loving parent.

If you believe in Jesus, he can be such a compassionate, loving presence in your mind (and heart). In fact, praying to Jesus and asking him to show me his love is what helped me to feel loved for the first time in my life. It was what helped me keep my inner critic at bay, because I suddenly had another voice: the voice of compassion, which could counter-balance the harsh voice of my inner critic.

Whatever method you choose, I think starting to develop self-love and self-compassion is the path forward.