Continued:

I have a better understanding now. There really is such a thing as Anger Addiction. It’s not an official diagnosis but the principle behind the term anger addiction is part of official diagnoses such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.

Anger and rage (intense anger) involve the release of POWERFUL- FEELING chemicals in the brain. And powerful feels way, way better than feeling weak, meek, timid and anxious.

My mother aka that person was indeed very anxious, timid, meek and feeling powerless most of the time, but when she raged. Oh, did she feel powerful then!

I tried to explain to her that I didn’t mean to offend her when I said this and didn’t say that, when I failed to do that, whatever her false accusation was about, but she was not interested in what I said and never considered it. Instead, she ARGUED, a lot, and spared no twisting of logic in her arguing. She wasn’t interested in peace with me, she wasn’t interested in exploring the truth; she was interested in prolonging the war because it felt good, for her. And so, she argued and argued and argued, justifying her anger so that she can keep on angry and feeling powerful.

I used to feel guilty for not making her life better, for not helping her feel better. I didn’t know that she already helped herself to me as she enjoyed many hours of feeling-powerful (at my expense). You are welcome-not, no mother of mine.

anita