Dear 25 year old Seaturtle:

(I am answering here to your messages in both threads): You are welcome! For the last few years, I acknowledge my birthday in the middle of July, 2.5 months after yours.

“I have always known I have some people pleasing tendencies… I want to understand the balance, because when I read that the solution is to stop doing things for others’ approval and do what feels in align with me, that is how I behaved living with my father and I was constantly called selfish or ungrateful. I don’t want my actions to hurt other people or offend them, but I also want to live in alignment with my true self. Is our true self selfish? How do I think of others and care for them, without comprising my true self?”-

– my answer/ my thoughts: we humans are social animal, social beings, genetically, by design. So, pleasing other people is authentic to who we are. Pleasing others is part of our true self. The issue is what you brought up: understanding the balance between too much people- pleasing on one hand, and selfishness on the other hand.

The balance is in Win-Win interactions and relationships, not Win-Lose. Keep Win-Win in mind, and you find your balance.

anita