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Surrender, Accessing Shakti by clearing samskaras, eliminating false selves

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  • #432045
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Sea turtle

    That boredom comes in for the last few hours of the day. Maybe you could see that what your feeling is part of the natural process of winding down to sleep. If we are overstimulated right up to and often when in bed, then sleep can be illusive and of poor quality. A evening yoga routine, a warm bath and a spiritually up lifting book.

    As for your messy artwork project is possible to cover it up with a cardboard box or the like, so that it is less intrusive and easier on the eye of your housemate.

    Hope your birthday weekend party goes well

    #432141
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle:

    I just noticed that by mistake, I wished you happy birthday on your old thread instead of on this one. So, here I am, wishing you a Shakti-full, Samskaras-empty, All Chakras working together for the greater good birthday and Year Ahead!

    anita

    #432188
    seaturtle
    Participant

    Hello All,

    I haven’t yet read recent messages, but I have a recent false self discovery and would like to go deeper into it.

    I have always known I have some people pleasing tendencies, but I thought I had them under control. When I moved away from home I realized all the things I did for my fathers approval and began to seek what was actually important to me. I now realize I fell into that habit in a past relationship, in that when I felt disapproval it affected my self esteem significantly.

    When I reflect back on my childhood, there was not much, if any, praise for trying. Instead I remember feeling like there was always something I could do better. Even as an adult living in my fathers home he constantly told me he did not feel appreciated by me. If I was free in the evening and didn’t think to make him dinner, if I didn’t volunteer to do things for him, if I didn’t show enough gratitude for things he did. Or if I ever confronted him about how he hurt my feelings, he would call it being ungrateful for the list of things he does for me.

    I notice in my adult life now, I often ask how I could be better… I told my employer once to let me know if I was doing anything that bothered them so that I could fix it ( I work as a nanny). I seek validation from my roommate about my behavior… after going out if I questioned something I did or said. I want to understand the balance, because when I read that the solution is to stop doing things for others approval and do what feels in align with me, that is how I behaved living with my father and I was constantly called selfish or ungrateful. I don’t want my actions to hurt other people or offend them, but I also want to live in alignment with my true self. Is our true self selfish? How do I think of others and care for them, without comprising my true self?

    Seaturtle

    #432189
    seaturtle
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you for thinking of me on my birthday 🙂 I thought of you too! But decided to stay present off my phone as best I could.

    25 year old Seaturtle

    #432193
    anita
    Participant

    Dear 25 year old Seaturtle:

    (I am answering here to your messages in both threads): You are welcome! For the last few years, I acknowledge my birthday in the middle of July, 2.5 months after yours.

    “I have always known I have some people pleasing tendencies… I want to understand the balance, because when I read that the solution is to stop doing things for others’ approval and do what feels in align with me, that is how I behaved living with my father and I was constantly called selfish or ungrateful. I don’t want my actions to hurt other people or offend them, but I also want to live in alignment with my true self. Is our true self selfish? How do I think of others and care for them, without comprising my true self?”-

    – my answer/ my thoughts: we humans are social animal, social beings, genetically, by design. So, pleasing other people is authentic to who we are. Pleasing others is part of our true self. The issue is what you brought up: understanding the balance between too much people- pleasing on one hand, and selfishness on the other hand.

    The balance is in Win-Win interactions and relationships, not Win-Lose. Keep Win-Win in mind, and you find your balance.

    anita

    #432231
    seaturtle
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    “For the last few years, I acknowledge my birthday in the middle of July”

    My friend P’s birthday is mid July as well! You are my second mid July friend 🙂
    <p class=”p1″>I really like your analysis here, that it is natural for humans to please, because there is something about it that makes me feel satisfied and whole</p>
    This is an area that is hard for me to see myself, to separate the false and true self. I think because my dad was so critical I got used to getting outside criticism/validation from him. He truly convinced me that I couldn’t see myself, acting shocked at how “selfish” and ungrateful I could be. This created so much doubt within myself, and it is still there. When I am told I’m being selfish I just believe it because like my dad said “you can’t see it but you are.” I see it in other relationships in my life, where if I receive their criticism or validation I act accordingly, and I stray away from my true self.

    I want to get wiser in this area, and see more clearly when it is appropriate to make a selfish decision and when it is not. And to see when someone’s criticism is truly about me or it’s about them.

     

    seaturtle

     

     

    #432235
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle:

    Glad to be your 2nd Mid-July Friend.

    My dad was so critical… acting shocked at how ‘selfish’ and ungrateful I could be…  my dad said ‘you can’t see it but you are.’“- he probably (inaccurately) projected his mother, or a female caretaker in his early life => into you. Parents often do that. My mother projected people who abused her (before I was born) into me and proceeded to punish me.

    Your father’s mother or caretaker, a woman he was very attached to as a boy, was really selfish and really ungrateful for his many efforts to please her, and gain her recognition. Fast forward, he projects that woman into a little, innocent sea turtle who did not deserve criticism for .. what someone else is guilty for.

    anita

    #432270
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Seaturtle!

    Happy 25th Birthday! How was your party?

    As you guessed, people pleasing has it’s roots in trauma. So basically, when there is a child there is something called magical thinking. Our brains automatically seek patterns.

    Your father conditioned you to cater to his needs with verbal abuse. Perhaps your “reward” sometimes was not being verbally abused? Not being praised, just not being attacked verbally. Some “reward”, huh?

    Back to the magical thinking and patterns. So you picked up this idea as a child that if you did everything perfectly then MAYBE there would be peace for you. We all seek control in the chaos in abusive situations as children. The alternative that it is just chaos is too frightening.

    But children don’t do everything perfectly do they? Heck, even adults don’t. So no matter how hard you tried, it was never enough because he was always looking for mistakes as an excuse to unleash his abuse upon you.

    The secret is that there was no actual rhyme nor reason to his behaviour. If he was in a bad mood he would find a reason to abuse you. This is the truth.

    So you’re in this abusive situation with a father with unstable emotions being told to manage his emotions for him. Such a large responsibility for a child and frightening to be at his whims.

    Recognizing that it is not your responsibility to manage someone’s emotions and it is not your fault if they snap at you (unless you did something seriously wrong) is how to get past people pleasing. Getting used to setting boundaries with unhealthy people is helpful too. It is stressful at first, but you get used to it with practice.

    I think it’s helpful to view people as equals. Your emotions matter as much as theirs do. But you still have the responsibility to take care of yourself and they have the responsibility to take care of themselves. If that makes sense?

    I don’t think it’s selfish, it’s just not your responsibility unless they are a child as children often need help with regulating their emotions because they are still learning. But even then, it is important for them to learn developmentally appropriate self-soothing techniques. My son is currently learning to fall asleep without being held or fed. Next, he will learn to fall asleep by himself.

    Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

    #432494
    seaturtle
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    “Your father’s mother or caretaker, a woman he was very attached to as a boy, was really selfish and really ungrateful for his many efforts to please her, and gain her recognition.”

    It is hard for me to imagine my dad trying to impress any woman. But I believe it. His mom is detached and unemotional. In her older age she has outbursts of tears during regular conversation which shows me how intensely she must have ignored her feelings in her life. She was my second mother too, I wonder the affect on me as well. My parents had me at 21 years old and while they worked I spent many many days with my grandma. Kind of funny, my dad and I shared a mother, in a way. Although she had 7 boys, my dad being the oldest boy and one older sister, the oldest. Her and my grandpa were very religious and believed God told them they were meant to have another girl after their 3rd child, so they tried and tried and ended up with 5 more boys, then finally stopped. Then my dad had me, and I became my grandmas little girl she always wanted. So although the same mom as my dad I am sure she treated me with more favor.

    Seaturtle

    #432497
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle:

    Kind of funny, my dad and I shared a mother, in a way. Although she had 7 boys, my dad being the oldest boy… I became my grandma’s little girl she always wanted. So although the same mom as my dad I am sure she treated me with more favor.“- your father was her 2nd child and first boy. Six boys and 21 years later, you were born, and, in practice, you became her long-awaited 2nd girl. I imagine she did indeed treat you, when you were growing up, differently than she treated her first boy, when he was growing up, a few decades earlier.

    She treated all 8 children somewhat differently, and treated you perhaps most differently.

    I didn’t know until you shared today that you spent so much time with your grandmother: how did she treat you?

    anita

    #432498
    seaturtle
    Participant

    Dear Helcat,

    “Your father conditioned you to cater to his needs with verbal abuse. Perhaps your “reward” sometimes was not being verbally abused? Not being praised, just not being attacked verbally. Some “reward”, huh?”

    Yes, my reward was not being treated unworthy of praise and being myself.

    “So you picked up this idea as a child that if you did everything perfectly then MAYBE there would be peace for you”

    This sentence describes a very big chunk of my childhood because it came from two angles. My dad, I played soccer and in order to stay on the team he asked me every single night if I did my workout video, at 13 years old. I did get in very good shape and became one of the best players on the team… so I didn’t see it as wrong. The other angle was religion, my mom spoke alot of keeping my heart pure, no lies, and treating my siblings with kindness. I remember before sleeping at night I would say “tomorrow I will be perfect.” Kindness with one of my sisters was particularly hard because my dad pitted us against eachother, I worked out and did all the things my dad asked as “perfect” as I could, but my sister was rebellious and refused. He would speak badly of her, to me, so I began to not like her.

    “The alternative that it is just chaos is too frightening.”

    My dad labeled my mom and sister as “chaos.” He would tell me I was the level headed one, me and my youngest sister. Whereas my brother, sister in the middle and mom, were “too up and down emotionally.”

    “always looking for mistakes as an excuse to unleash his abuse upon you. …. If he was in a bad mood he would find a reason to abuse you”

    This weekend at his Palm Springs house I was VERY hypervigilant, like I was living at his home as a teenager. I picked up every crumb and replaced anything I used in larger amounts. I told my friends to be careful and we left the place spotless. But this is the mind trick: When I emailed him “thank you” and told him about the food I replaced and anything we used, he responded –

    ” I am so happy you had such a wonderful time. Makes me feel good about the investment I made into our family’s future! You were probably overly considerate of utilizing some of the goods in the house. I suppose we could have had a conversation about that, because I would have wanted you to feel more freedom to help yourself on basically everything (with perhaps the exception of the top shelf liquor😉).

    Love you and feel so proud, blessed, fortunate to be able to offer that luxury to one of my favorite people in the world. Miss you! ❤️ ”

    – I am not sure if he has changed since I lived with him or what, but I felt gaslit when I read this email, because if I would have left anything out of order I know he would have said things. But he is acting as if I am the hypervigilant one and he has never asked such a thing of me….

    “Recognizing that it is not your responsibility to manage someone’s emotions and it is not your fault if they snap at you (unless you did something seriously wrong) is how to get past people pleasing. “

    I am learning this now. It happened in Palm Springs, I asked my roommate for the half of the wifi bill and she snapped… she started listing all the bills of the month (ones that we didn’t have to pay yet) and $30 in groceries she spent on my birthday.. which I was handing her cash and she said “no its ok its your birthday I got it.” In this moment I was aggravated she was bringing this up at this moment, I tried to calm it down by saying “Do we need to pay those bills yet?” she said no, and I said “ok well let me know as they come in one at a time and I will send them to you.” She said ok. Then she dropped it, I have no idea why she just decided to dump all that on me in that moment but she didn’t bring it up again and I paid her yesterday for utilities like I have every month. It is strange for me when my past relationship, my dad, and now her all freak out on me about money randomly, it makes me feel like it is me, but I don’t think it is. I don’t owe my roommate anything, if anything I cover for her because I want to avoid her coming at me randomly, she owes me right now and I am not even gonna tell her because I don’t want her reaction, same with my dad. I don’t have this money relationship with anyone outside of those three, but three feels like a lot as I try to believe it is not my fault. I really hate money because of these things.

    ” Getting used to setting boundaries with unhealthy people is helpful too…it’s helpful to view people as equals. Your emotions matter as much as theirs do.”

    This reminds me of my conversations with P, in Palm Springs. After the boundaries I set at the cafe before the trip, she said she felt embarrassed, she said she thinks so much about how she comes across and her best-friend telling her she was over-sharing hurt her feelings and she felt it was unfair. I told her there are many thoughts that occur in my head that I choose not to say in order to not pollute the environment. To which she responded; “my adhd makes me say everything.” I tried to have compassion for this adhd, but it is hard for me because it is not easy to stay centered and decide what thoughts not to engage in, but that is not an excuse to just emotionally dump on people. I think she still thinks it is unfair, she said multiple times “I guess I just have to walk on eggshells with you now.” I wanted to roll my eyes, and she said I lacked empathy. And I do lack empathy for her adhd that supposedly makes her talk over people and dump negativity, that is not what I think adhd is.. If I am in the wrong here I would like to know.

    Long message, and I hope not too much?

    Seaturtle

    #432501
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Seaturtle

    I’m sorry to hear that you were made to feel imperfect as a child from all sides. The beauty of being a child is being imperfectly perfect. Making mistakes is a huge part of growing up. Raising my son, he does things that are stressful sometimes. His crying was stressful early on, he wakes through the night and he is a messy eater. But it is all part of being a baby. It’s not the child’s fault the parent experiences stress when the child does something natural for a child (like making a mess). It is a parent’s job to learn to manage the situation and their own emotions properly instead of blaming the child.

    It sounds like your father tried to control you to a horrific degree. The more details you share, the more grim the picture. Made to exercise the way he wanted, made to do what he wanted and made to think and feel what he wanted. No wonder you were feeling hypervigilant cleaning up after the party.

    An image of a young Seaturtle comes to mind. Worrying about crumbs. Hypervigilant and fearing her father’s punishment. You didn’t deserve any of it. You deserved to feel safe, happy and loved in your own home. Such difficult circumstances that you had to grow up in.

    This type of thing with the letter… I have some baggage here, so I don’t know if my thoughts are correct. I welcome Anita or Roberta to give their input on this if they have any?

    My instincts are pessimistic and say that your instincts are correct about the gaslighting. It reminds me of my mother who likes to play a role on special occasions. But outside of special occasions, doesn’t act in that way. Has your father ever behaved like that at all before?

    Then another small part of my mind is playing devil’s advocate. Well relationships can improve after children move out. Perhaps he is trying to change?

    Well done on handling your roommate and her temper when it comes to money. People who lash out about money tend to have very individual and unique beliefs about it. In my experience, the only way to not trigger them is to follow their rules. But, it may not suit you to do so. The only other way would be to get a new roommate or get used to the situation.

    It is difficult with your friend who has ADHD and Depression. I think that your feelings about it being difficult to spend time with someone who is gloomy and won’t stop talking about that type of thing is honestly fair.

    But at the same time this is how someone with ADHD and Depression acts. Expecting her to be able to control her behaviour and act differently. It’s extremely unlikely from my point of view.

    I don’t know if you knew she had ADHD before this conversation or if you know much about ADHD as a condition?

    I don’t think that you were being mean or unfair. Just perhaps that you were overly hopeful of her ability to change and not aware of the impact of her conditions. It is an honest thing to happen.

    The conversation is a trigger for her though. People with ADHD regularly encounter people complaints about things like talking too much, which is as she said is a part of her condition. The negativity is a result of the depression though. The depression may make it more difficult than usual to manage the ADHD as well.

    I think a difficulty for you may be that as you have said you try really hard to work on yourself. It isn’t easy the work you are doing but you are doing amazingly and should be proud of yourself. Understandably, you feel like she should try to and see her as an equal in this way.

    But sometimes being an equal doesn’t mean treating someone in the same way as you. We are all unique individuals.

    I also think that her being triggered and her comments about her feelings could be hurtful to you? Do you feel hurt by her?

    All around it is a difficult situation for you because you have to figure out how you want to manage this friendship.

    Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

    #432517
    Helcat
    Participant

    Sorry I started to fall asleep towards the end there. Didn’t really finish my thoughts.

    The problem isn’t really the ADHD, it is the depression. When she wasn’t depressed you got on fine? Over time, if she works on her depression she would theoretically return back to her old behaviour. But this isn’t a quick or easy process to recover from her depression, so her current behaviour will persist for a while. It’s not something that she can just turn on and off.

    It sounds like you went to your friend with this problem expecting empathy and for her to want to work on the friendship. This is a healthy expectation. Instead what you got is “It’s not my fault. You’re being mean to me for not accepting me the way that I am. I’m hurt.”. You got a lot of misplaced blame for your natural feelings. Your friend has natural and acceptable feelings too. They do make sense because it is a painful and sensitive topic for her. But it isn’t your fault. You are a kind person and I think you would have more empathy for her situation if she had shown you empathy and not blamed you. For both of you right now, it can be difficult to show someone empathy when you are feeling defensive. What do you think?

    You deserve empathy from your friend as much as she deserves empathy from you. Your intention has been to try and resolve difficulties in the relationship. You inadvertently stepped on a land mine (a trigger for her) in the process. You didn’t know it was there, that she would react in this way. It is a lot to take in and process when your relationship has already been suffering.

    #432527
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle:

    * I am adding this comment following a few hours of putting this post together, so to let you know that parts of it may be distressing to read. Please read when calm, take breaks, and as always: remember that you can read only a part of it, or no part at all. My goal in this post is: Win-Win, Win for you, Win for me. Here it is:

    The more I understand you, the more I understand myself.

    Original post, April 12, 2024: “Hello, I have been reading from Michael Singer… Michael Singer calls these blockages ‘Samskaras’ which come from the Buddhist concept of clinging… Clinging happens when we resist or hold on… a blockage inside of us…  I would really like to discover more ways to uncover and release these samskaras… I want to live from a place of surrender, by accepting things the way they are and acknowledging the outside world cannot fix my inside world“-

    -A few quotes from Michael Singer that I like: “When a problem is disturbing you, don’t ask, ‘What should I do about it?’ Ask, ‘What part of me is being disturbed by this?'”, “There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind – you are the one who hears it.”, “True personal growth is about transcending the part of you that is not okay and needs protection.”.

    What I get from these 3 quotes is that, in my case, the part of me that is disturbed by my mother’s shaming, judgmental and accusatory voice (a voice regenerated and expanded by my brain), is the part of me that believes that what her voice is telling me- is objectively true. The part of me that is disturbed by some of the experiences in my current, daily life, is the part that allows her voice to interpret these experiences for me.

    * My voice, through the years, having believed her voice, and having interpreted earlier life experiences through her voice, has added a lot more content to her voice, making it much more verbose and comprehensive.

    My true personal growth is about realizing that I don’t have to live under the oppression and misinterpretation of her voice (and what I added to it); that I don’t have to either submit to her voice, or to keep fighting it (trying to protect myself from it). Instead, it’s about transcending it, meaning, to no longer Fight it, Flight it (run away), or Freeze.

    To transcend it, I need to no longer believe in it, to no longer have faith in it.

    I started my first reply to you in this thread, with: “Dear Seaturtle: I would like it if this thread will not be only a conversation between you and I, but a place where more members will participate in, members with more knowledge of Buddhism.“. In your reply (your 2nd post), you quoted me and added:  “-I would love nothing more!“. I now assume that you meant that indeed, you would love getting more people to participate in your thread.

    But that’s not what I heard when I first read it (and for some time later). What I heard was you saying to me something like this: anita, you suck, I have no regard for you and what you want to say to me, you are of no importance;  this is why I would love valuable, important people to reply to me.

    I interpreted your 5-word sentence through her voice, carrying her message (italicized).

    Let’s look at the voice within you (Oct 11, 2023): “My dad would accuse me of planning my showers around avoiding talking to him… If my boyfriend is showering by the time I come over I think, ‘wait why couldn’t he plan his shower so he would be out when I got here, he must not care very much about our time together.‘ I know it’s ridiculous right? all these are ways my mind just was exhausted living with him and I needed to get away from, well now I am realizing I needed to get away from myself“- your father’s voice kept being regenerated (and expanded on, I assume) by your brain while you were living with your boyfriend at the time. It is my understanding now, that what exhausted you so much back then, was fighting the voice, or running away from it, keeping your brain-body in state of ongoing, distressing motion (Fight, Flight, Freeze), no rest. Coming to think about it, no-rest is in the title of your first thread: “Please help me, my mind hasn’t rested in 8 months” (July 29, 2023).

    You believed your father’s voice when he accused you of not caring about him, of being selfish, unloving (being a bad daughter), when you didn’t plan to shower before he arrived home, and when you didn’t otherwise make yourself perfectly available and attentive to him when he was home. Believing his accusations caused you lots of distress. Fast forward, living with a boyfriend, your father’s voice was interpreting your life situations for you.

    Maybe, having taken in (internalizing) your father’s accusations, you proceeded to project them into your boyfriend. So, when projecting those, you were temporarily free of them, free of the distress that accompany believing that you are selfish and uncaring, a bad person, that is. And this became a kind of an addiction, an addiction that exhausted you. Maybe.

    Fast forward to April 30, 2024 (this thread): “I notice in my adult life now, I often ask how I could be better.. I told my employer once to let me know if I was doing anything that bothered them so that I could fix it… I seek validation from my roommate about my behavior… living with my father and I was constantly called selfish or ungrateful. I don’t want my actions to hurt other people or offend them, but I also want to live in alignment with my true self. Is our true self selfish? How do I think of others and care for them, without comprising my true self?“- right here, it reads like you have a core belief (a belief formed early in life) that you are a bad person who hurts other people, who needs validation that you are not hurting people, a core belief that your father instilled in you by constantly calling you selfish and ungrateful: two adjectives that amount to being a bad daughter=> a bad person.

    So, your dilemma, or conflict, expressed in the quote right above is: “I don’t want my actions to hurt other people“, that is, I don’t want to be bad, “but I also want to live in alignment with my true self. Is our true self selfish?, but my authentic self is allegedly bad, so how can I be okay being my authentically bad self?

    May 8, 2024: “The other angle was religion, my mom spoke a lot of keeping my heart pure, no lies, and treating my siblings with kindness. I remember before sleeping at night I would say ‘tomorrow I will be perfect.‘”- tomorrow, I will be a good daughter; tomorrow, I will be a good sister.. tomorrow, I will be a good person.

    This weekend at his Palm Springs house I was VERY hypervigilant, like I was living at his home as a teenager. I picked up every crumb and replaced anything I used in larger amounts. I told my friends to be careful and we left the place spotless“- at 25,  still trying to get your father to say that you are a good daughter, a good person.

    But this is the mind trick: When I emailed him ‘thank you’ and told him about the food I replaced and anything we used, he responded –’... You were probably overly considerate of utilizing some of the goods in the house. I suppose we could have had a conversation about that, because I would have wanted you to feel more freedom to help yourself on basically everything…‘…  I felt gaslit when I read this email, because if I would have left anything out of order, I know he would have said things. But he is acting as if I am the hypervigilant one and he has never asked such a thing of me“- he is changing the rules on you: all those years, his rule was that to become a good daughter, you’d need to be perfectly hypervigilant in his house. And now.. you are supposed to earn the title good daughter by NOT being hypervigilant.. enraging, is it?

    Thing is, neither is the way to earn the title good person from him. During a critical time in your earlier life, when core beliefs are formed, he projected some other person or persons into you- inaccurately, and so, his legacy in your life has been the formation of a false core belief, which is that you are a bad person.

    (I am guessing that behind his email is that you being so careful to replace the food in his frig, etc., made him appear- in  his mind- like a stingy person, a scrooge who does not allow his own daughter to eat his food, so he reacted to that image of himself).

    My mother’s legacy in my life has been the message- turned core belief- that I am a bad person, bad and inferior to others. We humans (and sea turtles, lol) have this need to believe that we are good people. Some people cross a line of no-return and permanently block this need (antisocial personalities), but you and I are far from crossing that line. We still want to believe that we are good people, and we want others to believe it too.

    Let’s believe it about ourselves and about each other..?

    anita

    #432549
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Seaturtle

    Just a comment on the notion of ‘false Self’. Jung would talk about personas, the masks we ware the roles we have.  These personas arn’t false but ways creating healthy engagement.. The way we interact with our family is different (and should be) then the way we interact with friends, coworkers, strangers…. Personas are not about being fake or false but the establishment of healthy boundaries for the interaction. They do sometimes feel like being  ‘fake’ especially when our boundaries are unclear and maybe not so healthy.

    The ‘false’ self is also sometimes thought of as our small self.  The task of the first half of life to to establishing this sense of self with healthy boundaries.
    In the second half of life is the task to detach from the this notion of identity. the True Self detaches from the roles or personas we have. They still play a role in our interactions however we ‘see’ them for what they are. The perspective changes. We are not our experiences, we have experiences, we are not our memories we have memories, we are not our feelings we have feelings, we are not our thoughts, we have thoughts….

    The notion of the True Self isn’t ‘out thier’ but within. Put another way the personas arise from and return to the True Self . Retuning you might notice the need to judge, measure, compare, label fades away…. like the label ‘selfish’

    In my experience the practice of  returning to the Self aways comes with quieting and experience of compassion for myself and others. The arising of compassion isn’t something you make happen but happens.  When I notice I’m feeling anxious, judgey and less compassionate its usually because I’m to attached to the roles/personas I have.

    It takes a healthy ego and senses of self (needed n the first half of life) to let go of ego (itself) so to discover the SELF  🙂

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