Home→Forums→Spirituality→Surrender, Accessing Shakti by clearing samskaras, eliminating false selves
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July 10, 2024 at 2:43 pm #434879HelcatParticipant
Hi Seaturtle
Thank you for sharing about this topic, it has been very interesting! Thank you as well for your kind words. 🙏
Haha I doubt it is your first go around either. There was a Buddha that would predict how many lifetimes it would take to achieve enlightenment. It usually measured in the hundreds.
Well the goal is for a soul to eventually achieve enlightenment and apparently the human realm is the only realm in which enlightenment can be achieved. It is very curious. For you interest, the other realms are gods, demi gods, ghosts, animal and hell.
I definitely see those things in you. You have a very special soul and are a wonderfully open person. I always liked people who are like this, it takes a lot of courage. ❤️
Hmm I don’t know about Buddhism, but there are other theories. I always liked the idea of groups of souls being around each other, growing together and the idea of important people in your life being those souls. I don’t know what your beliefs about souls are? If you have any I’d like to hear them. 😊
I love that you think of your sister as a soul sister. It sounds like you have a beautiful relationship.
Thank you for humouring my inner child soul!
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
July 10, 2024 at 5:53 pm #434882anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle:
“I do my best to consciously refuse to act a certain way to get some perceived approval from them. I am proud of this“- you are giving yourself credit for behaving congruently with your value of authenticity, not people-pleasing at the expense of your authenticity.
“My mom also has/had these poor-me sessions, demanding I see her… It was in this time I believe my mom used me as an emotional venting place….Then 16 when I moved in with him, is when he began to demand this excessive visibility from me“- at different times, both your parents used you as a source of narcissistic supply (excessive need for attention and/ or admiration).
“I truly feel bad about your thoughtful message getting left without a response, please forgive me“- you are forgiven.
“Dear wise dolphin-anita, I appreciate and understand the imagery, thank you and please stay swimming close“- thank you and you are welcome (a sea turtle and a dolphin swimming side by side emoji).anitaAugust 18, 2024 at 10:14 am #436335seaturtleParticipantHello Anita 🙂
I miss you!
It’s true at different times I have been on the receiving end of narcissism. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I want to understand and see myself so badly, because I never want to make someone else feel how they made me. Because I do believe they did it unaware of their manipulation and effect it would have on me, so I know it can be unconsciously done.
I wanna learn and hear about the awakenings you’ve had in this lifetime? How have/do you set yourself up for spiritual growth?
Seaturtle
August 18, 2024 at 12:07 pm #436334seaturtleParticipantHi Helcat!
I miss this chat and especially you and Anita. I have had a busy summer, and find myself missing talking with you guys but not liking the part where I have to come to my computer and type. I wish we could have an in person book club or some other way of meeting. Even a set time every week on this site when we come and chat back and forth about current life 🙂 what do you think?
“Haha I doubt it is your first go around either. There was a Buddha that would predict how many lifetimes it would take to achieve enlightenment. It usually measured in the hundreds.”
I think you are right, that this is not my first go around. Honestly it feels like this has been a very pivotal lifetime for me so far, because I’ve had some major shifts, that afterwards looking back on myself realize I was not seeing things clearly as they are. My constant intention is to see things as they are. It can still be a haze sometimes though, where I feel like my thoughts and emotions are clouding truth. I am proud to even be aware of that haze though. I know I still have habits and triggers that cloud my vision, third eye. I wonder how many lifetimes it has taken for me to get to this place of seeing the fog and trying to see through it. If in this lifetime I can not only notice there is haze, but also learn to not let it cloud my vision, I would say it was an incredibly pivotal lifetime and I’m excited to start the next at that checkpoint 🙂
“Well the goal is for a soul to eventually achieve enlightenment and apparently the human realm is the only realm in which enlightenment can be achieved. It is very curious. For you interest, the other realms are gods, demi gods, ghosts, animal and hell.”
Do you think our souls get to choose? or is the idea that it is some sort of order we are all put in.. to become gods? I want to learn more.
“I definitely see those things in you. You have a very special soul and are a wonderfully open person. I always liked people who are like this, it takes a lot of courage. “
🙂 <3. Recently I am finding myself draw more people like this into my life and it is so refreshing. I met a special soul while I was recently in Colorado, his very open and light heart was so curious to me. We decided to go to a concert together and found me had this openness in common which made for just awesome conversation and connection 🙂
“I don’t know what your beliefs about souls are? If you have any I’d like to hear them. “
It is definitely a developing belief. Right now I feel like souls radiate at different frequencies and those frequencies are where they live. Victim mindset being a low frequency for example and drawing to it more events and people on the same frequencies, sort of like self fulfilling prophecy. I think souls get stuck in those cycles. I think I have gotten stuck in cycles. On a high frequency I think of someone who is unattached to earthly possessions, and souls who see every day as a new day, and every experience as new, not seeing things through the lens of their past. I want to get there, but I still notice myself analyzing other people and situations based off of my past, but I don’t think that is seeing things ‘as they truly are.’ I’d also like to believe that souls pass on with the knowledge or Karma, that they accumulated from past lives.
Seaturtle
August 18, 2024 at 2:42 pm #436341HelcatParticipantHi Seaturtle
You are a ray of sunshine and very much missed around here. 😊 A set time for chatting every week sounds like a great idea. I understand if you are busy though. We are mostly around.
Ooh please do tell about your busy summer! Mine has also been busy. There were birthdays. We went on holiday. We got COVID. I had exams and am finally on a break before the final. I can’t even remember all of the things that have happened lol because I forget (baby brain). My son has 4 teeth now and is very close to walking.
I have faith that you will get there, you’re a very driven person and that is all it really takes a desire to grow and openness to progress. You have both in abundance. It does take time and a lot of practice though. I am still not there yet. It is painful for me to be present during challenging times. I’m trying really hard though.
Yes, the idea is that we get to choose. But there are challenges. And for 3 days after death it is said that we stick around and can hear people’s thoughts about our passing. In this time some souls are driven mad. After the 3 days there is supposed to be an opportunity to move on and the challenges come, it is said that we face our inner demons and how we respond to that dictates where we go. There are practices that people do to stay calm and in control as a spirit to help them make the right choice. It is said that the realms correspond with emotions: greed, anger, jealousy and pride.
It’s wonderful to hear that you are meeting more and more people with these qualities. I’m glad that you have a lovely day and enjoyed the concert, the communication and the connection. He does sound special indeed.
It is always very interesting learning about other people’s beliefs. 😊 I would agree that people get stuck in cycles. The way that I think about it is that there are small windows of opportunity in life where we gain profound new awareness that allows us the opportunity to choose how we wish to respond next. The majority of the time I feel like people are almost running on automatic and trying to develop the skills for their choices until their next window. Being proactive in development’s helps bring these windows closer together. Having lots of experiences brings lots of changes too in my experience. Bad and good, it is sometimes hard to see the outcome for many years. What do you think?
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
August 19, 2024 at 12:26 pm #436376anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle:
“I want to understand and see myself so badly… I wanna learn and hear about the awakenings you’ve had in this lifetime?“- a recent awakening for me has been to see myself in a positive, empathetic light: something I needed to see so badly and for too long.
“How have/do you set yourself up for spiritual growth?“- I set myself for emotional-spiritual growth by communicating with people like you, here in the forums, and in real-life, and seeing myself, you and others positively and empathetically whenever it is possible and appropriate.
“I have had a busy summer, and find myself missing talking with you guys but not liking the part where I have to come to my computer and type“- I understand that it’s been a long time since you liked going to your computer and typing away your thoughts and feelings and events in your life, and I accept this change. I wish the rest of your summer to be a summer of Surrender, Accessing Shakti, clearing samskaras, and eliminating false selves 🙂!
anita
September 15, 2024 at 8:38 am #438123seaturtleParticipantDear Helcat,
When you say “We are mostly around.” who are you speaking for? Is there a pretty consistent group of responders on this site? I had a recent schedule change that I am getting used to right now.
You had exams? What are you studying!? I just started taking an open online course, The Philosophy of Death. The first half of the class is whether or not we have a soul and the second half is if ‘this conclusion’ then what next, and is suicide ever moral. I am super excited.
I bet your son is up and walking now! Still teething I bet, but getting better?
It is so cool that we were just speaking of Death according to Buddhist teachings, and I have now found my way to a philosophy course on it. It wasn’t what I was searching, I have just had this recurring inspiration to take some philosophy and psychology courses, and my search lead me to two open courses and one was on death. What would be really cool is if I used the Buddhist perspective to write one of my papers for the class, there are three papers due throughout the course. Since it is an open course I don’t think I get to submit anything, but I am still going to write them. If not for myself, then maybe I use them to apply to the college program.
“He does sound special indeed.”
He is very special. He came to visit me for 10 days! Such a long time to have someone I only met twice but both our intuitions seemed align in that it would only bring good things. The best way to explain my connection with him is it felt like I was with myself. I felt this way after a couple days with him. He was some of my favorite and least favorite parts of me. My favorite parts were so comforting and reconnected me with parts of myself I haven’t accessed in a while. A big one was laughter. WE laughed sooo much, I felt comfortable being silly, just singing my lungs out in the car, sword fighting in a store with fake swords, I took him to improv with me and it was just a blast. He likes to make friends everywhere he goes too, and has this deep desire for connection. He’s very knowledgable about things I am not and taught me so many things. Not only that but listened to my insights and perspective on my life here, and he actually respected it and took advice from me. I felt valued. And seen 🙂
I have this gut feeling, that he and I will continue to run into eachother on our individual paths, and end up together. It is the strangest feeling though because I also think we both are following our hearts right now and trying to grow, and neither of us want to go against our instincts for the other.. This is what I mean ->
he is going to New Zealand for a year, he asked me to go, and to be his girlfriend. Something I would have loved to hear, but in that moment it just didn’t feel right. It felt like it would be over indulging in a passing pleasure, that would loop back around to us stronger if we just let it. I told him this. That although a scary thought, what if we just give this amazing connection we have, back to the universe and see what opportunities come from that.
days later, after laughter, getting to know one another and just having so many little adventures in mundane places. I started to doubt myself. I brought it back up and said, well we are only human.. are we suppose to trust this universe this much? or just take what it’s given us now? His response was amazing, because it somehow brought me back to my trust in the universe. He said “When I think of my trip to NZ it strikes a chord in me, that I just know I am suppose to go. When I considered bringing you, it didn’t affect that chord, not negatively but also not positively. Like I would still have my growth if you were with me. But if I were to steer you off your path, to come with me, that would break my heart.” I felt stronger after he said this, knowing we were making the right decision to wait. 🙂
“The majority of the time I feel like people are almost running on automatic and trying to develop the skills for their choices until their next window. Being proactive in development’s helps bring these windows closer together. Having lots of experiences brings lots of changes too in my experience. Bad and good, it is sometimes hard to see the outcome for many years. What do you think?”
Do you think if you run on automatic while trying to develop the skills for your next window, that you then miss the window? It certainly resonates with me that being proactive in your development, brings the windows closer together. I really believe this year I have experienced more windows than other years. I also agree that lots of experiences bring changes with them, yes bad and good. Do you think we can be wise enough to avoid most the bad ones and intentionally select good ones? or that new experiences are just a gamble? Yes I agree, hard to see for many years. Even this situation with this special person I met, I have no idea when it will bear the fruit I know it will.
Seaturtle 🙂
September 15, 2024 at 9:12 am #438127seaturtleParticipantDear Anita,
“a recent awakening for me has been to see myself in a positive, empathetic light: something I needed to see so badly and for too long.”
– wow, I keep running into this within myself and others, being seen. You saw me in a positive and empathetic light 🙂 If we treat others how we are treating ourselves on the inside, then I’d say this forum is probably a great place to see others–> see yourself.. do you think so?
I wrote the above before seeing your next line. 🙂
Something I am learning about myself, through the special person, we will call K, revealed to me very intensely. He asked so many questions about me, my upbringing and surroundings, because he genuinely wants to understand me. However,
as I would express myself, I recognized in me, that after a certain amount of time talking I would start to feel like I was making things too much about myself. And I start to tap out, get shy and not want to talk about myself anymore. I think this applies to this forum as well. I think to come here with a current thought/struggle or question, but then I feel like I am being selfish.I know I have run into this before with you, remember when I was questioning myself, wondering if I was narcissistic like my parents? So I ended up in a thought trail online, the other day, starting with “why do I over take responsibility in situations.” I searched this because I found, and my sister told me, that I have a pattern of blaming myself for a dynamic that isn’t my fault. Thinking it is my fault for feeling something, rather than it actually being a real feeling I need to validate and accept. Or thinking someones emotions are my responsibility. I read the article on “How toxic guilt and false responsibility keep you in dysfunction” (PsychCentral) “as children and adolescents, people feel responsible for the needs and emotions of their parents. Usually this sense of responsibility comes from being overtly or covertly blamed and punished.” “…child is punished for making mistakes”
And this is where I got my answer on this fear of narcissism I have: “unlike people with strong narcissistic tendencies and similar dark personality traits who never take responsibility for their actions, people who suffer from false responsibility and toxic guilt are very quick to attribute what went wrong to themselves and blame themselves for it.”
Another thing that really resonated with me was this “Since people who suffer from chronic self-blame constantly feel shame and guilt, they are exceptionally susceptible to manipulation. The manipulator can always appeal to their false sense of responsibility…” I have had a fear of manipulation for a long time, after leaving my dads home, realizing only after looking back, that it was happening.
So to wrap this back to me feeling like I am taking up too much space, making things about my emotions or experiences. Doing this is unfamiliar to me. My parents always made things about themselves. I was allowed a small window of self expression, but after that time limit hits I feel I am too much. What do you think? I feel like this is alot of information I am still trying to process if you have a perspective to add or perhaps relate? As I know we both have parents like this.
Seaturtle 🙂
September 15, 2024 at 7:50 pm #438135anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle: I will reply Mon morning!
anita
September 15, 2024 at 8:26 pm #438136anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle:
“ I feel I am too much. What do you think?“- I realize that before I respond further, I need to understand what you mean by being too much: can you explain to me what you mean by it, dear Sea Turtle?
anita
September 16, 2024 at 7:50 am #438141HelcatParticipantHi Seaturtle
Well, myself and Anita are around regularly.
Yeah I’m doing a final this week! I’m studying IT. Ooh philosophy of death sounds interesting and I agree it is a fascinating subject. Such big questions! I’m sure that you’re going to have a lot of fun.
I love your enthusiasm for the subject and your creativity in regards to your ideas for essays. The Tibetan Book of the Dead is a great read about all of this. There is also a commentary on it called The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.
He is doing his best to learn to walk. He is using furniture and things to hold onto while he moves around. It feels like the teething is never ending. You are right though it does get better and worse.
Right now is a stressful period. My dog almost died the other week. We are waiting to see if he has cancer. On the plus side, his blood tests are improving. My cat is missing. I’m literally dealing with prank calls telling me she’s dead because anyone can respond to a missing poster. On the plus side, my neighbours kids think that they saw her.
My husband and I are having some difficulties. I’m finally in a place where I feel like I can work on the relationship because I have figured out being a parent. I hope that we can figure things out.
Wow! I’m happy to hear that you both had such amazing experiences together. You have some fantastic memories already. It’s very romantic of him to invite you along, it does sound like you are doing the right thing focusing on your personal journey. Who knows what will happen later? I’m sure you will stay in touch and find out. 😊
It’s really good that he responded in such an amazing way to you setting your healthy boundaries.
I don’t think you miss windows running on automatic. But the proactive approach perhaps creates new windows.
But I do also believe in fate. In that I believe that certain things happen when we are ready for them to happen.
Whether to avoid bad things or not, is a complicated question.
Bad things can have unintended positive consequences. This is a really complicated subject that people have strong personal opinions about.
I was abused by my biological mother. If I hadn’t been abused by her, I might not have been raped by a classmate in university. If I hadn’t been raped, I would not have been attracted to the idea of long distance dating. I would not have met my husband or had my son. I also ultimately wouldn’t be who I am today.
So whilst terrible things happen, good things can happen as a result.
I think my perspective is to prevent unnecessary suffering where possible. But also, some things are fated experiences and are not preventable. So try not to worry about it too much. There is no sense avoiding good experiences to prevent bad things from happening. That is a way to miss out on life and suffer. Just do your best!
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
September 18, 2024 at 1:49 pm #438213seaturtleParticipantDear Anita,
You wrote: “ I feel I am too much. What do you think?“- I realize that before I respond further, I need to understand what you mean by being too much: can you explain to me what you mean by it, dear Sea Turtle?
– K is very self reflective and asks me questions he’s asked himself, or ones that he thinks would be relevant to me. If I am opening up about a childhood memory he asks more questions, rather than trying to change the subject like N or my father. His questioning, his wanting me to open up, makes me uncomfortable. It’s made me realize that my relationship with N made me feel so capable of vulnerability, but actually it was not hard to be more vulnerable than him. So really it was me just attracting someone who was less than I was, now I am communicating with someone who welcomes vulnerability and I am finding it actually makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I am oversharing or over-burdening him with information. I have told K this, and his response was that I did not make him feel that way at all. So I realize it is in my head and I am wondering what that’s about. I am also just curious about this dichotomy that I having been aching to be seen, and now that someone is trying I am uncomfortable, which makes sense cause it is unfamiliar, but I want to learn how to be comfortable with it. Did this answer your question?
Seaturtle
September 18, 2024 at 2:16 pm #438215seaturtleParticipantDear Helcat, I responded, but my post is again waiting moderation, I am not sure why, so it is on its way and hopefully doesn’t take as long as carrier pigeon.
Seaturtle
September 18, 2024 at 5:36 pm #438218anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle:
In regard to K: “as I would express myself.. I would start to feel like I was making things too much about myself... l like I am being selfish… I feel like I am oversharing, or over-burdening him” (Sept 15 & 18, 2024)
In regard to your father: “I left any trace of myself in ‘his’ house, he would get upset.. list all the ways I had exemplified being ‘ungrateful’ at his house… how I didn’t think about him” (Oct 11, 2023).
Craving to express yourself, to comfortably leave traces of yourself for others to see and hear, on one hand; feeling selfish when expressing yourself, on the other hand. I am reminded when you had your roommate/ friends at your father’s house not long ago, for a vacation, how you left no traces of yourself in his house before leaving.
It’s a conflict within you. I will write more tomorrow. You are welcome to add a post before I return to the computer.
anita
September 18, 2024 at 6:21 pm #438220anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle:
I can complete my reply this evening, so here it is:
“I mentioned a fear of being/becoming a narcissist. I believe both my parents are on this spectrum“, Seaturtle, Oct 11, 2023).
No wonder you weren’t seen growing up, and no wonder most recently, in regard to talking to K about yourself, at a certain point on, you felt that you were making things too much about yourself. Talking about yourself is like leaving your shoes by the door, or dishes in the sink, or shoes downstairs, and being reprimanded for it. The “house cleaning” sessions were really about cleaning, or removing any expression of you from his house.
Both parents on the narcissistic spectrum, the daughter is not SEEN. A strong need to be seen was understandably born in childhood and adolescence.
anita
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