Dear Robi:

“I’ve started a new second job here in Alicante – in a beach bar…“- reads like fun, great environment!

“Is the grass always that much greener?“- it used to be that way for me, but I am finally living where I like to live, and I don’t care- at all- to go anywhere else, not even for a visit. I used to live by the beach for decades and didn’t feel at home there. Now I live in the woods, and the grass is literally greener here than anywhere else, lol.

“Now, I’m here in Alicante having 2 jobs but feeling lonely“- as adults, we re-live the emotional experience of difficult childhoods. As a child you were lonely=> as an adult you are lonely (until you change within, heal enough).

“I don’t need those parties and the alcohol to cover my wounds anymore, therefore I’ve ‘lost’ most of my friends (or drinking buddies ) too“- congratulations for losing your drinking buddies..! Looking at the title of your thread, you are indeed growing up!

“I live in Alicante with a friend of mine in a room I don’t like and I feel lonely. I miss my girlfriend… I feel a bit trapped to be honest.. trapped in a cage I myself created… And.. did I say friend? I’m not even sure about this anymore…”– you have to find friends in Alicante, true friends who don’t regularly drink.. Maybe in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), if such exist there?

“Now.. I’ve recently started this new job. It’s actually pretty nice… Still I have doubts. I am not sure I want to stay here. Part of me feels like I’m forcing myself to stay here – like I’m making my life harder. Honestly here I don’t seem to yet find more clarity. Very often I’d like to go back to Warsaw. Being away from my woman hurts.. She’s been here for a few days visiting me last week and she’ll be back in 4 weeks…“- she visits you quite frequently. What does she say about your dilemma (whether to stay in Alicante or move back to Warsaw)?

Here’s an idea: commit to stay where you are for the rest of 2024, and don’t spend any time seriously considering leaving for the rest of this year. Put off the considering to Jan 2025.

“There isn’t much communication with my parents anymore“- that’s not a bad thing. A good thing.

“While I was living in Warsaw I wanted to move here. Maybe I thought it would be easier for her to come over here and now realising that might take a long time… it hit me. Don’t get me wrong. There are good things. I feel like I’m growing and doing a lot of work on the inside…  I’ve grown a lot”- the term growing pains come to mind. Endure it and focus on the positives, every day.

“Take good care Anita, I hope you too are doing fine and all is good there where you are!“- thank you, Robi. I am fine.. and so are you, you are doing very well. Take good care of yourself, Robi!

anita