Dear Alex:

You are welcome, and thank you for your appreciation! A bit of a summary of what you shared so far:

You: 47, had very few sexual partners in life, twice married and divorced, your depression played a part in both separations, separations that were very heart-breaking for you. You are suffering from “terrible anxiety and panic attacks”,  having “no family or friends”, having trouble breathing and a bad back. You are currently in a 7-month old relationship that may be ending, as you are sleeping in the guest bedroom while she sleeps in the master bedroom, and she sometimes or often refuses to talk with you, if I understand correctly.

She: 52, had many sexual partners in life, 1-2 years long relationships, “at least 80 relationships in this lifetime”, she has been writing and directing porn for 20 years, and “had very diverse and vast amount of sexual exposure”. She repeatedly told you about her past sex life in glorious terms, even though you asked her to not talk to you about her past sex life. She knows that you have a bad back, and yet, she sleeps on the expensive mattress that you bought and lets you sleep on a cheap mattress that’s bad for your back. “She has this constant need to win all arguments and be always right… she keeps saying ‘I didn’t do anything wrong'”.

As to the motivation behind her insistence on telling you about her past sex life, you suspect, that “maybe she… has some sadism or narcissistic tendencies“, and you believe that her telling you about her past sex life is a  “deliberate attempt to hurt (you)“.

In your most recent post (about 10 hours ago), you shared: “she is asking for couples counseling…  she just wants me to hear the objective truth and not leave with the lies and monsters I’ve created in my head. She admitted to not being a great partner and being bad for my mental health but feels I exaggerate and inflate it in my head… When I said I don’t think counseling will help and I take responsibility for my occasional bad behavior (which is triggered by her name calling and her drama really), she said good luck finding someone you’d be happy with and I wish you well“.

* About 19 hours ago, you wrote: “We are invested in each other deeply and care about our health and our emotions for each other. We want to stay together forever or a long time and maybe even get married“- you wrote this in the present tense. Does this mean that only yesterday you were sleeping together in the master bedroom, talking with each other and being invested in each other.. and within 9 hours you moved to the guest bedroom and talking about breaking up?

Has it been a back and forth dynamic between the two of you, together all the way, not together, back to together, etc., for most or all of the 7 months?

anita