Continued:

A few months ago, a younger woman irl said something negative that contradicted something positive she said before, going back on her word to me. I was disappointed and felt hurt me because I trusted what she said earlier, and felt stupid for having trusted what she said earlier. But I didn’t say anything to her, didn’t even consider the possibility of bringing it up to her, didn’t even cross my mind.

I carried the anger, partly  told someone else about it, someone who said something to her, hurting her feelings, and otherwise, my anger at her expressed itself indirectly, unclearly, and she said the other day that I hurt her feelings. I apologized.

I realized today, that I need to gently but clearly, properly and directly confront people when they go back on their word to me, when they say or do something wrong, soon after it happens, instead of carrying the anger (which will express itself somehow!).

When my mother vented to me her anger at others but prohibited me to say anything to them, demanding that I act nice to them, I was enraged but had to hold the rage in. It was a torture. I never learned to confront, to ask questions, to bring what angered me to the person who angered me. I need to do it now and forward.

To be continued.

anita