Dear Paradoxy,

YES, BOTH OF US KNEW THAT. So why in the world did he give her more excuses to continue fighting?

Because she seduced him over those 3 months? He couldn’t resist her? BTW did you explicitly tell him not to communicate with her after you two broke up? Because as far as I know, they were friends/acquaintances too – he didn’t know her only through you, right?

But again, let’s slow this down: the fact that your friend is hitting on her doesn’t necessarily mean that this should cause more fights between you and her. The person who is causing the fights is her – she is accusing you of having a poor choice of friends:

She is saying that she told me that my friends are bad and etc and that I have poor choice of friends.

So again, whatever happens – even stuff that are out of your control – is your fault. She is using the tactics of false accusations to wear you down and make you the guilty party, while she is playing the victim, again. The girl who engages in sexting, posts seductive photos on social media, wears sexy outfits and has possibly been flirting with your friend as well – is now “upset” for being hit on by him. Oh how obscene! He is harassing her poor, innocent self!

You called her once a hypocrite, and indeed she is a hypocrite – calling you out for something that has nothing to do with you, and playing a saint while we know she is everything but. Because let’s be honest: someone who lies, cheats and steals (literally) is now acting “holier than thou”, while she is the one who is actually morally corrupt.

We had stopped talking entirely until he hit on her and she sent me the screenshots. I would have appreciated it if I could have maintained that silence.

Knowing her intentions, she didn’t appreciate the silence. Because she wants to lure you back in. And she knows that if she can accuse you of something, you’ll react and get into an argument with her. Which for her is better than silence.

So maybe she was preparing the bait for your friend, flirting with him, “confiding” in him and telling him all about her “martyrdom” with you….  until he finally took the bait and started hitting on her. And there he was: caught like a fly in a spider’s web.

She doesn’t have to, but she will still do it, because she knows that I wont be able to sit still knowing she is out there walking alone in the middle of the night.

Even if it is just her manipulation, I can’t have her death on my conscience, sorry.

Yes, and crying on the way back home cause I rejected her advances.

Well, there you have it. She knows your weak spot and she is using it to try to achieve her goal: to lure you back in. She knows exactly how to manipulate you. Threatening to go out alone in the night. Some people even threaten to kill themselves to get what they want. That’s the worst kind of manipulation.

I just need to make myself stern and cold and only talk to her when she says the money is ready. That is the only solution rn.

So can you be cold enough and tell her that you don’t want to accompany her to the ATM at night, and that you only are willing to go with her if she has your next installment ($100)?

Or, I have a better idea. Why don’t you make a bargain with her. Something like this: “if I accompany you, and if there is less than 100 bucks, I am taking all the money there is on your account. Maybe I’ll let you keep $10. Because you dragged me to the ATM in vain. So if you do, I am warning you, next time I am taking all your money. Is it a deal?” Can you be cold enough to say that?

Because narcissists respond well only to blackmails and very strict boundaries (and if they experience the consequences of their actions). You can’t plea with them to be nice – you can only present them with the consequences, and then stick to those consequences. So next time she drags you to the ATM, she pays.

Back to your question about your friend:

Assuming u r right about the situation, do u think I should waste my time confronting him, especially knowing he could lie about the situation? Isn’t the best course of action to just be on my guard and trust no one?

I am not dumb enough to just blindly believe what B showed me. I am just going to keep my guard up until the guy does something stupid again.

You should first realize that she and your friend are not the same category of people. She is a narcissist, who is a toxic, manipulative and dangerous person. She is willing to exploit you and harm you to get what she wants. He is not like that. He may be stupid and led by his hormones, but he doesn’t have bad intentions. She does.

So the first person you need to be on guard around is her. You shouldn’t trust anything she tells you. Because everything can be a lie and a manipulation.

You shouldn’t necessarily be on guard with everyone, but with her, yes. Always and at all times.

I would still talk to him and hear his side of the story. Because if you don’t, you participate in her game, you side with her against him. And you should never side with a liar and a manipulator, specially not without checking the other side of the story.