Dear Flow28: I didn’t do a good job in my first reply. I’ll try again:

I can see how hurt you are. The shock and disappointment: from “I was sure we were together” to him saying: “we’re not together yet“, his preference to go to a long trip without you, and now, he’s seeing someone else. All this left you hurt, sad, angry, doubting if he was not into you, or if you scared him off.

It is hard to analyze his words (those you quoted) without seeing the context: the whole conversation, what led to it, etc.

Seems like you were more interested in him than he was in you, and so, the (unofficial) relationship had a power imbalance: you were in the weak position, the one chasing him to take you with him on the long trip, the one pressuring him to make the relationship official (the ultimatum), the one hanging on his words.

And seems to me that he has some problems that preceded you and more likely than not, there would have been a breakup even if you behaved.. perfectly. After all, most relationships, particularly those starting online, don’t last long.

I am sorry that you are hurting and I hope that you will learn what you can learn from the experience and that you feel better soon. Learning often makes me feel better. i hope to read from you again.

anita