Dear Paradoxy,

Yes but it seems highly exaggerated….

Maybe it seems like that for you, because you don’t want to believe it… because it would hurt a lot to believe it.

But I don’t find it hard to believe it, because she is someone who after only having known you for a short while, and very superficially, suggested that you could be her pretend husband.

If an attractive girl, after having learned that you’ve never been in a relationship, tells you to pretend to be husband and wife – what is it other than bold, crazy and… exaggerated? In fact, that was even more that exaggerated: it was rather shocking. It was quite a shocking statement to make. And incredibly seductive too.

So she was not only seductive, but bold (daring) and exaggerated in her attempt to seduce you. So I don’t see it as contrary to her personality, at all…

That is some bs cause a 10 year old girl inspired the melody for one of my songs, there is no way people can assume that I am a pedophile just cause my song was inspired by a child.

Didn’t you say it was a girl from your university class? And that you are starting to feel infatuated with her:

I really think that I am an idiot ngl, cause I think I am starting to have an infatuation for the girl that inspired me to make the song, the song that my ex was pissed about and accused me of cheating on her.

So it wasn’t some 10-year old after all…?

It sure would be better than saying that I AM INTERESTED IN HER, even if B chose not to believe him. She would have kept the theory to herself but the guy gave her the confirmation needed for her to start a fight with her stupid theories.

I’ve already explained that a narcissistic person is not interested in facts, but in winning and making the other person guilty. Remember she asked him whether you are cheating when you didn’t answer your phone because you were sleeping? That’s where her mind goes immediately: to blame and accuse, even if the other person is innocent.

If she indeed saw a chat about this girl that you are infatuated with and wrote a song to – then there is no argument to convince her of the opposite. And besides, maybe your guy friend really thought that you were interested in the girl – because you were? Because you yourself said you were infatuated by her?

At least speak the truth about me instead of making up foolishness.

If you wrote a song for a girl (not a 10-yr old, but someone in your class), and you are infatuated by her – is it a foolishness to believe that you are interested in her?

Like I told u before, the cheating theory existed even before I made the song. But it was just a theory that held no evidence so she only brought it up once when the guy told her that I COULD be cheating. Now that theory resurfaced cause of the song but the original seed was planted by him.

You still don’t understand how a narcissist’s mind works: she wanted to accuse you, and she will find anything to accuse you. She even thought that you were cheating when you didn’t pick up the phone in that incident.

The narcissists tend to project the things that they are guilty of (e.g. cheating) on others. So the “original seed” is in her: the suspicion, the paranoia, the tendency to accuse others. He only poured some water on that seed by saying “yeah maybe he’s interested in that girl”. And let’s face it – you yourself said you were infatuated… so perhaps he wasn’t even lying.

Yeah I am working.

Good to hear that…

But that’s the thing, he barely knows anything about me now.

Good that you’re not confiding in him at this point.

He has changed from how he was in high school. He has slept with like 20 women already and sleeping with them on rotation and though I don’t think B flirted with him, I am pretty sure she made him feel comfortable enough to talk about deep/intimate topics, enough to make him comfortable enough to hit on her as well.

Yeah, that’s a very likely scenario – that she made him feel comfortable to talk about relationships and open up.. . because they started their communication by talking about the relationship between you and her. So it was a natural progression, I guess.

But I wouldn’t exclude her being flirty either – perhaps not openly flirty like sending pursed lips photos, but more like sweet and agreeable, so that she can paint the image of herself as a kind, sweet person – and win him over.

I am being villanized by him now cause I had chosen to open up to him about what happened in January but now he is saying that I shouldn’t have told anyone about what happened in January and I shouldn’t have left B (“cause its not her fault”) and now I just feel sick to the bottom of my heart cause of everything that is happening.

So you are in touch with him at the moment? And he is accusing you of confiding in him about her prostitution? And he is blaming you for leaving her after she admitted she’s prostituted herself?

If so, she managed to turn him against you and present herself as the victim…

I don’t think I care anymore. I just want to be on my own now. Just bottling up all my feelings and never let anyone know what I go through. Feel like I should just maintain a professional relationship with him, cause he has definitely changed from who he was before and I am not the type to support him as he goes around sleeping with a bunch of people and doing foolishness.

Unfortunately it seems he betrayed you too – after having been manipulated by her. She managed to sell him the lie and win  him over. :\ He became her flying monkey, so to speak (someone who parrots the narcissist’s lies and is on their side). Yeah, so if he became her flying monkey, and is blinded by her lies, it means you can’t really be his friend any more. You need to let him go.

I am just tired of everything. Wasting my energy for others. I wanted a real friend. But I dont think I will ever get that.

Ehh Paradoxy, I am sorry you got such a bad luck with your first ever romantic relationship. Being in a relationship with a narcissist is much worse than being in a normal relationship. And the breakup is much more difficult too, because these people can’t just let you go – because they always need to win. They are antagonistic and can’t bear that things are not going their way and that they need to bear the consequences of their bad behavior (like she has to now – by you not wanting to take her back). So she is making it difficult for you – much more than someone who is not narcissistic would do.

I am sorry you’re going through this, Paradoxy. And she has turned your friend against you too. Oh and btw: you said she used to complain about your choice of friends. Well, that’s another typical feature of narcissists: trying to isolate the person from their support group, so they rely only on the narcissist and their opinion. If she was criticizing your friends, that’s probably what she was trying to do.

Unfortunately, now she managed to win one of your friends over to her side, which is a pity. But if he is someone who likes to sleep around, I can imagine why a hot girl, who pretends to be sweet and innocent, can mess up with his head…

I wanted a real friend. But I dont think I will ever get that.

This was a very difficult period in your life, and it’s still ongoing – till you stop all contact with her. And stop being sensitive to her lies. You need to do a lot of healing, to heal the core wounds that made you tolerate her and allow to be manipulated by her (and doubt yourself) for such a long time.

Once you start healing, you’ll get better at recognizing toxic people like her. And you won’t fall for their lies and manipulation.

You’ll also find real friends. Don’t think this is forever. But it’s normal that for now, you prefer solitude, because it’s safer. There is a youtube video about it: Finding solace in solitude after a narcissistic relationship, by the same therapist I’ve mentioned earlier: Dr. Ramani. I strongly suggest watching her videos, because they can explain why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling.