Dear Tee,

“Because men usually make serenades to the women they have feelings for?” Didn’t realize it could be that easily misunderstood.

“Although be honest with yourself – you later started developing “infatuation” for her…. so a romantic interest has crept in, eventually” Yes but at the same time I feel like it is just my own overthinking that developed from the misunderstanding, cause the romantic interest crept in months later, and I barely know this girl. Even I only became self aware months after the guy made his assumption.

“Nevertheless, a bigger problem that I am noticing is you making such a huge deal of him telling this big “untruth” to B, when I am sure that even if he said you were not romantically interested in that girl, B would NOT have believed him.” B might not have believed him but she wouldn’t have had the motivation to start another fight regarding it and ruin my peace.

“What I have been noticing so far (but perhaps it lessened a bit in your latest post) is that you are more angry at your friend than you are at B, who actually stole your chat and was interrogating your friend and is making false accusations against you whenever she can.” I was angry at him whenever I found out the foolishness he did, but I have forgiven him for his actions but dont expect me to trust him again. That is all I am saying.

“I think it’s very important to be clear who the real abuser is – who is the person who has really hurt you. Because if you get more angry at your friend (who is just a foolish guy whom she managed to manipulate) than at the real abuser, you won’t be able to heal properly.” We already made it clear that B is the real abuser but that doesn’t excuse the guy for the things he did. My anger for him is not larger than B, but that doesn’t make me not angry. I still have anger, it is just not that big compared to the anger I have for B.

“So he broke under pressure – he didn’t want to (and probably couldn’t) lie. He didn’t tell her that to be mean, but because she was pressuring him to confess.” Yes, I understand that he broke under pressure, but that still doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve to be blamed for what happened next.

“Now that I know the full story – that she pressured him to confess – I can see that he didn’t intentionally breech the confidence, but that she was good in extorting the information from him. And he couldn’t lie. So forget what I said: he isn’t to be blamed for admitting.” Firstly, what do u mean he couldn’t lie? He couldn’t lie to a girl he barely knew? Secondly, it is my ASSUMPTION that he broke under her pressure. Cause all I know is that she asked him a lot of questions, I don’t know if he made any effort to not feed her unnecessary information. But even if he did break under pressure, it still doesn’t change the fact that he is still to be blamed for telling her his assumptions instead of real facts.

“She expected you to just accept it and behave as if nothing happened, whereas it was a huge deal and not just something to move on from easily.” Her reasoning is that it was her trauma and I had no right to share it because it happened to her, not me.

“Because you didn’t dedicate a song to her?” Lol I didn’t dedicate the song, the girl just inspired the main melody. Thats it. How the hell do I dedicate a song to a girl that I barely know?

“BTW you are using the present tense: “now she is getting everything mixed up“, “B now assumes that I never loved her“. But you also say “we don’t talk anymore anyway”, so I do hope you haven’t been communicating in the past few days, and that you have managed to present yourself as cold and reserved to her?” No, that part happened like 2-3 weeks ago, I just kept the present tense since it is still relatively recent. We haven’t talked in a while now and the last time I talked to her, I was cold to her.

“You would make friends that appreciate you and accept you as you are.” At this point, I don’t think such friends exist.

“How are you working on your issues, if I may ask? What are you doing for your healing?” I am indulging in my music production, reading a lot about communication skills and stuff. Apparently I could have Asperger’s syndrome? The symptoms seemed to match with me but I don’t like to do self diagnosis so I am just going to let it be, but it does explain why my communication skills are so bad and why nobody wants to talk to me. Instead of blurting out my anger to certain people, I write it down and then read over it and make changes to it so that I am better at expressing myself and then I decide whether or not I should express myself to anyone because I have also realized that nobody gives a damn anyway so I should just release my anger in the form of writing instead of trying to make people understand.

“Well, I do care how you feel. I care about your healing as well. I know it’s not like having a friend irl, but just so you know – someone cares about your well-being.” Thank you, I appreciate it.

“Although you could have more empathy for your guy friend and less for your abuser. But you are showing more empathy for him in your latest post, and I am glad about that.” I understand the circumstances he might have been in, but u can never be 100% sure about these things. Though I forgive him for his foolishness, I am not going to trust him the way I did before.

“You really want to know what would help you? I think it would help you if you could get angry at your abuser, Paradoxy. Abusers, actually. You know who they are. B is not the only one.” I AM ANGRY. I just can’t express my anger. Cause the anger towards B comes out in the form of verbal abuse and then I become the abuser, and when it is to my parents, it comes out as disrespect. So all I can do is just bottle up my anger. It is so annoying when you find yourself shaking with anger in the middle of a church sermon cause of the memories of everything that has happened.

“Because so far you had the tendency to appease your abusers and make excuses for them. You have been making excuses for B for months. Even believing that you are the bad guy, that you are to be blamed for her bad behavior. Until you’ve realized that she is the bad guy and that she doesn’t really care about your feelings (I hope you’ve realized that!).” I am not actually trying to make excuses, I am just trying to factor in every possible outcome cause we can never be 100% sure that our assumptions are correct. So when I consider all the possibilities, I end up being more lenient and forgiving.

“Remember you wanted to hit a punching bag because you were angry at your friend? Well, the idea is to feel a similar kind of anger at your abusers. And then hit the punching bag (not them!).” Yea I am directing that anger into running now since I dont have a real punching bag.

“This girl sounds spoiled because she was complaining about various things, but no matter what you said to help her, she refused everything. And is now only talking to you out of politeness and not because she wants to.” No she doesn’t seem to be spoiled. She is the oldest of the three sisters and her father raised her in a manner where she is responsible for all the chores and everything. So basically she experienced a lot of hardships in her life, her siblings would be the spoilt ones. Besides she says she doesn’t want to talk about her issues because she might end up regretting it. Says it is cause of what she is going through in life rn. BUT HOW DO U EXPECT ME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE IS GOING THROUGH IF SHE DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING TO ME???? She is so complex that even I don’t know how to describe her, I would have to show u the conversations itself for u to understand how hard it is for me to talk to her.

“Well, it’s not your fault. But you automatically think it’s your fault. And you also fear your father’s reaction, as if it were your fault that a spoiled girl doesn’t want to talk to you.” Yea but look at the logic. U know the saying that if one student fails, then it’s the student’s fault but if every student fails, then it is the teacher’s fault. In the same way, if EVERYONE rejected my friendship, then obviously it has to mean that I am the one doing wrong. That is how my father views it as well. And I am going to Florida in August and knowing him, he is going to force me into an uncomfortable position to talk to the girl in person. Lol I am literally praying that he forgets about her, but I don’t think that is possible. Another thing is that this girl AND her best friend rejected my friendship. And my dad already knows about her best friend, and he is already trying to convince me to talk to her best friend again. I am not going to let myself be disrespected again bruh.

“May I remind you that you’ve got the right to not maintain friendship with someone you don’t like (or who doesn’t like you), even if your father objects. You’d need to start allowing yourself that much autonomy, because him trying to control whom you are talking to is a little bit too much, don’t you think?” Yes I know that. But he is trying to “help” me make friends AND he is going to ask too many questions if I tell him what happened between me and her. And then I would have to sit through an hour long lecture of him advising me. He might even check through my phone (he was already doing that when I was home few weeks ago). He is going to abuse his parental authority on me and I just want peace rn, not unnecessary drama. How do u expect me to go against his authority as a parent???

Paradoxy