Dear Carol:

You are very welcome! As I see it, there are a couple of issues here: (1) you are hurt because as she entered a relationship, she significantly distanced herself from you, and you are sad over the lost closeness.

“I sometimes gaslight myself into thinking that maybe this kind of ebb is normal.. maybe those changes we are facing are normal etc.“- this is the part of you that’s denying the magnitude of her distancing/ the extent of your felt-loss, so to lessen the hurt and sadness.

(2) “I wonder if I am not partly responsible… I wonder if I haven’t moved away from her too soon… I still feel guilty from time to time“- as I understand it, she distanced herself from you, not the other way around. She initiated the distancing over and over again, through a long period of time, before you reacted to her initiative by.. not chasing her for closeness.

Does this make sense to you?

anita