What does a bad parent look like? Someone who neglects or abuses their child. Someone who is irresponsible.

Do I think that I’m any of these things? I haven’t understood how best to help my son sometimes and I have had to learn. When I have been exhausted I was impatient. I have resented the difficulties that I have faced as a parent. I’m getting over that though. We don’t always get to choose how we feel, but we can choose how we deal with it.

It is easy to be unhappy after major surgery, not enough help (we don’t have family helping out), relationship difficulties (now resolved) chronic sleep deprivation and being screamed at every night for a couple of months. Perhaps it is time to let that experience go.

Who am I as a parent now? I think one of the things that I find most difficult as a parent are the times when a child is unhappy. Learning to take a bottle made him unhappy, but he is fine with it now. Learning to fall asleep without being held is stressful for him, but good for his sleep as well as mine.

I am proud of his milestones. I take him to his classes. I give him lots of affection and praise. I try and help him to achieve his goals. My boy is very goal oriented. He is always learning and developing his skills. He seems to really enjoy it. That and exploring. The desire for everything to go in his mouth is strong. 😂 I seemingly constantly save his life. I hold him so much I cause myself pain. I want to make sure that he is healthy and happy.

I think that I am just really anxious. I don’t want to let him down or be that person like my bio mom was. Perhaps these fears are her voice echoing in my mind. Like Voldemort. 😂 Harry… *breathes heavily*