Hi Clara

I’m sorry to hear that the first year together was turbulent for you both.

You started dating when she had only just broken up with her ex. This means that she was still seeking closure and grieving her previous relationship. This process made you feel insecure to the point that you asked her to end contact and get rid of the exes stuff.

You chose to be with her in that situation. When she needed time to get closure and grieve. People have needs like seeking closure and grieving. Feeling insecure is understandable, but you asked her to ignore her needs and her feelings because they were making you feel uncomfortable.

This was an overreach on your part. I’m glad that she stood up for herself and did what she needed to do to process. It seems to me that she was very kind to you in this scenario and understanding by accommodating your feelings of insecurity. She might not have understood the reason, but she did not reject you despite the issues it caused in the relationship.

No doubt you were worried that they would get back together and she would leave you. Perhaps what she didn’t understand is why you were still feeling insecure after she told you that the relationship was over. Your anxiety about the situation was very high, to be the point of reassurance having no effect. It was not until her grieving process was over that you calmed down about the situation.

People make mistakes in relationships, it is a very human thing to do. However, this was not a small thing. This was a large thing and why she has a lasting memory of you behaving in this way.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏