Dear all

Last night I had a dream, I dreamed of her breaking up with me.

I woke up in the middle of the night, and was very upset. I think probably related to me detached from the apps etc.
I realized i clinging to my upset feelings this morning, was going down the spiral and I tried to distract myself. I also downloaded the ’15 things you can’t control from here as well. it did help.

When I first agreed to this break i was thinking it does take a month to really figure out if you miss someone. No contact may be good since she knows how it is without me(given I have very clear ground rules, I was struggling so much the first week without those) But in practice, it is really difficult for me,  I probably wasn’t really ready for the possible bad outcome(whihch is break up for me) at that point, logically I think that my be a solution. And  also probably because I am the one who is more attached to the relationship. I realized now that I am very attached, sometime may be just to the idea of the relationship, sometime it is indeed her. This obsessive feelings have been here since childhood, probably from when I felt out of control when I was young.

Then I realized I am very good at thinking, but not very good at practicing. I need to practice how to let go out things that can’t be controlled, knowing isn’t enough.

I still feel the cloudy/ muddy feeling in the chest, will deep breath!