Dear Clara:

“I think I gave this power out as I thought this was the way to preserve the stability/ our relationship. But I think giving up power (she or I equally so ) may not be the way to go“- if she is open to resume-and-improve the relationship, the topic of power may be the place to start: how to be fairly and equally powerful in your own and in  each other’s lives.

Today is exactly a month since you started this thread (June 25) and by the time I submit this post, it will be the same time (hour and minute) as you submitted your first, original post!

On your 2nd post (June 25) on this thread, you expressed distrust in her: “Doubting the intent of the break, she mentioned she needed time to clear her mind and ‘restart’, but  sometime I also double if she just wants to use this time to break up…. she is not as openly gay as I am. I am out to most of my friends, she is not, her concern is on work? and possibly still unsure of me as a long term partner? unsure“.

The first time you mentioned her was on Oct 7, 2018, in your thread I met a girl who has a partner (at the time you were not yet in a relationship), and there was already distrust then and there (” She, accordingly to her… This has also reminded me to a certain extend, what I was feeling when I was cheated“).

How can you equally share power with a person you don’t trust?

Back to today, July 25, 2024: “At this point, I lean towards wanting to stay together… when I think if she says she wants to be together, I am equally unsure how to react“- you may want to say: let’s talk about trust!

From psychology today/trust: “Trust—or the belief that someone or something can be relied on to do what they say they will—is a key element of social relationships and a foundation for cooperation. It is critical for romantic relationships, friendships, interactions between strangers, and social groups on a large scale, and a lack of trust in such scenarios can come with serious consequences. Indeed, society as a whole would likely fail to function in the absence of trust.”.

anita