Dear antarkala:

You are welcome! “I thought ‘This is it’. But fast forward today, I am not happy with what I thought I would be happy with. Though my mind says this is alright my heart races and I feel very anxious“-  anxious and angry at him.

In regard to liking him, respecting him, and thinking highly of him, you asked: “Am I a bad person for not doing that?“- no one is a good person or a bad person for how one feels. It’s our words and actions, over time, that determine if we are good or bad people, or a mix of the two.

Now, thing is, you are not supposed to (common sense says) be in a romantic relationship with a person you dislike and disrespect. But you choose to be in a relationship with this man, and you’ve repeatedly expressed to him that he is unsatisfactory. I’d say that for that, in this context, you are a bad person.

I was a bad person in certain contexts, and I am (still) fixing it, wanting to be a good person in all contexts.

“I think I can do better… It isn’t like I don’t want to be satisfied with him and searching for reasons to be dissatisfied, right? Do I sound like that?“- your mother told you long ago, that he is not good-enough for you, suggesting that you can do better. Her words are very powerful in your mind and heart. I wonder if you are punishing this poor man for not being good-enough.. for your mother.

* Did she ever approve of a man for you?

Were you angry with every man you were involved with? Angry at friends, family, past and present?

anita