Dear Clara:

From what I understand, you have clearly let her know how important it is to you that she removes all her belongings from your house as soon as possible, but she arrived late at your house to remove her stuff “because she just came back from a one night trip with her friends“.

“Later at night I texted her and asked if she could talk or hear what I said… She said we could talk 2 weeks later, after her business trip“- you shared earlier that she is good at compartmentalizing.

From very well mind: “You may understand compartmentalization as a defense mechanism that allows you to keep anxiety in check by separating certain thoughts or emotions from others, essentially putting them into different mental ‘boxes'”-

– seems to me that her Clara mental box is of a lower priority (at least since the break, if not before) than her friends mental box and her business mental box.

“She said it was really tough for her…  I was very frustrated because this is what she has chosen, she has chosen to break up“- I understand your frustration. Seems to me that her subjective experience of “really tough“, made possible by effective compartmentalizing, is way less tough than your un-compartmentalized subjective experience of really tough.

Back to very well mind/ how to compartmentalize to reduce stress: “Compartmentalization Can Be Healthy- If used in moderation and combined with self-reflection… Compartmentalization allows you to temporarily set aside the burden of dealing with heavy emotions, giving way to mental clarity and helping to prevent emotional burnout… There are many benefits to using compartmentalization to manage your stress. Some of them include: Stress reduction… Improved focus and productivity… Improved work-life balance… Better decision-making”.

“When Compartmentalization Becomes Unhealthy- … While effective, using this technique to manage stress constantly can quickly cause you to repress emotions instead of dealing with them…Unresolved feelings may resurface as anxiety, depression, or other mental health disorders… compartmentalizing can quickly become a way of avoiding emotional confrontation and resolution. This avoidance can prolong emotional distress and hinder your personal growth… Using this technique habitually could create emotional barriers between you and your loved ones, hindering communication and connection. In the long run, this can lead to feelings of isolation and damage interpersonal relationships…

“How to Compartmentalize in a Healthy Way- When you master how to compartmentalize healthily, this technique can become a valuable tool to help you manage stress and cope with complex emotions…. It’s crucial to remember that compartmentalization should only be used as a temporary tool. This technique is not meant to be a permanent solution to your life’s emotional challenges and daily stressors. It should only be used to manage overwhelming situations, with the understanding that you need to revisit processing and resolve the emotions you shelve. This is necessary for your long-term well-being”.

What do you think/ feel about the above, Clara?

anita