Dear  Bibi:

(I am adding the boldface feature ton the quotes in this post selectively) “I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now and he’s been nothing kind. He’s exactly what I wanted in a guy and more! I loved him so passionately up till recently. I’ve grown bored of him and haven’t craved his company. I suppose during school I had my distractions but now it’s summer”-

– for some time, it was passionate/ exciting: the new relationship and being in school, but then, out of school and the relationship not as new, the excitement was gone, replaced by boredom.

“I hate feeling this way because he’s so kind and perfect. He’s done nothing but treat me right and I can’t seem to love him as much as he loves me. Why???”-

– many girls/ women get bored with good, perfect guys, and excited by bad guys.

“I’ve thought maybe I’ve become bored of him because in my past relationship, my first boyfriend treated my bad“- I wrote the above before I read this part! Maybe bad=exciting, good-=boring..?

“growing up I’d say my childhood was fairly good besides having divorced parents who would fight like nobody was around“- when they fought like nobody was around, that was exciting (a negative kind of exciting: scary, distressing). Maybe you got used to excitement (negative or positive)?

“I’m scared now that the feeling of not wanting him will come back but I’ve tried to be happier about the fact that I love him in my life and I hope I will feel more stable in the future.”-

– from very well mind/ signs of a boring relationship and what to do about it ( the very ending of the article): “It’s perfectly normal for relationships to settle into something more stable and steady over time. But more complicated factors such as poor compatibility, lack of communication, and lack of effort might also cause boredom.”

Dear Strawberry (and Bibi):

“I relate to your statement, a six month relationship and growing bored… I love him but I’m sadly no longer in-love with him. Whenever he texts, I just roll my eyes or ignore it for a while because I just do not want to talk to him and become annoyed when he tries to. It honestly really sucks since he’s amazing and has done almost everything right... I become slightly annoyed whenever someone brings him up”-

– same problem, getting bored, but in addition there is anger at him, something that Bibi didn’t mention (or I didn’t detect it). I wonder if growing up, Strawberry, you experienced a mix of love and anger at a parent/ family member who you were close to?

“I right now don’t completely know what to do, if I want to end things or if I want to see if I will fall for him all over“-

Here is more from the website I quoted from above (for you, Strawberry, and for Bibi): “The early days of your relationship with your partner were likely filled with feelings of excitement and an intense urge to spend time with one another. However, the intensity of those initial feelings often wanes over time… This is a typical sign that your relationship is moving from what is known as passionate love (which is usually more fleeting) into what is known as compassionate love (which is more enduring)…

“Boredom in relationships can also be caused by other factors beyond this natural shift from passionate to compassionate love… The following are a few reasons why you might suddenly feel bored in your relationship: * You have different interests… * You don’t have deep or meaningful conversations… * You don’t make an effort to combat boredom: When you start feeling bored, it is important to take steps to add excitement back into your relationship…

“The key to addressing it is to open up a line of communication with your partner. Be open and honest about how you feel. Once you both understand what is going on, you can either work together to address the problem or talk about other options, which might include couples counseling or potentially breaking up. Ultimately, remember that relationships aren’t always effortless. They take work—even when it comes to keeping the spark alive. There’s no single, simple solution that is right for every couple. However, if you are both willing to commit the time and effort, you can work together to get your relationship back on the right (more exciting and satisfying) track“.

Wishing the two of you (and your boyfriends) well.

anita