Hello Anita

Good to know that you are doing well. Hope you are having a good kind of busy.

You are right about the pattern. My friend was also saying it was like detox. Some days it was better, some days it was worse.

Before she left for the trip, I was angry at her and i said she was an idiot. She did say we could talk after she came back, I was  thinking to drop this. but on the weekend when I was reading something that reminded me greatly of the mistakes we have made during especially the last period of our dating, I texted her to initiate a call, she agreed to talk and we did. I told her that we have made mistakes along the way, and I appreciate and respect the space and the break that she was requesting. I was calm and collected all the way, but she cried and said the day she left, she was very hurt by what I said. I apologized for using the harsh words. She said she also understood why I did that, but she was very upset.

I ended the call in 10 mins. Was mindful not to overwhelm both of us.

Now you talk about the pattern, I guess this is the pattern. The cues got too strong and too obvious, that prompted me to do something. and after the talk I did feel a sense of relief, although I am also aware that this is not going to last long.

For the things she left behind, I put them aside for now. I am trying to block her but also found myself unblock her afterwards. I have been very ambivalent since she returned. The emotional pattern is so strong, of course in the past I would be happy and talked to her and we would be talking about her trip etc(happy hormones generated). Now I potentially am craving for that.

Clara