* A note for Tommy:

“Looking at her actions and listening to her words. Neither made any sense in light of the other“- people don’t make sense when they are in pain.

“I was wrong to reply to a suicidal person.. I am sorry for my ability to see both sides of an argument“- You are not really apologizing for an ability see both sides of an argument because you know that such an ability is a positive thing, nothing to apologize for. Seems to me that what you mean by this fake apology is that empathy should be balanced with judgment and abuse, and that such a balance is needed in these forums.

“I do believe that she had all the signs that this was not a good relationship and yet she pressed forward with it. It was a poor choice“- her poor choice in a relationship is not a justification for you to insult and offend her, not any more than your poor choice of a relationship (your current marriage about which you repeatedly complained), is a justification for me or for anyone to insult and offend you.

“Lily-Mae obviously doesn’t deserve to be treated so harshly. And yet, by her own words, she tells how bad a relationship it was“- (1) if she doesn’t deserve to be treated so harshly, why did you treat her so harshly? Why do you choose, once in a while (not all the time), to express your real-life unresolved anger here, in these forums? Psychotherapy (and marriage counseling) would be the right place for you to express and resolve your ongoing anger, Tommy. Not here,

(2) When you say, in the quote above, And yet, you are excusing having treated her so harshly. You are saying (paraphrased): she (the OP) chose to stay in a bad relationship where she was abused, therefore she deserves abuse, and so,  I will abuse her too.. it will balance the empathy she received, and which she doesn’t deserve!

“I will continue to add my two cents cause life isn’t just one sided“- I see that the side of empathy (for OPs) offends you, so you see the need to balance it with your two cents of so harshly (your words).

I offered you before, Tommy, that you start your own first thread in regard to help that you need, a thread where I and other members can communicate with you about problems in your own life/ marriage, problems that need to be addressed and resolved. I think this would a way better context for you to participate in the forums.

anita