Dear Clara:

You are welcome! “I often treasures honesty and directness, I do not like to guess or beat around the bush. I often think this causes more harm. It is often because the person delivering the message does not have enough mental strength/ courage to deliver the message, at the cost of the peace of the recipient. I guess this is also how she draws farther, as I often challenge her to talk/ face directly with the situations“- very well said. She lacks the mental strength and courage required to be honest and direct with people in complicated matters, matters that involve conflict or some unpleasantness. (I assume she is honest and direct when it comes to simple matters like letting the employee at the ice-cream shop know the particular ice-cream flavors she wants).

A few months after you met her for the first time, on Oct 7, 2018, you shared: “I recently got quite close with a person, we have been talking mainly on texts for a few months… she had never disclosed that she had a girlfriend”. You were very distressed at the time about her not disclosing this to you. Now I understand why she didn’t: it was a complicated matter for her, she was conflicted about it.. so she was not honest about it. She hid this major part of her personal life.

This lack of honesty and directness has been part of her before the beginning of the relationship with you. It is how she operates.

anita