Hi CutieJ

I can explain a bit for you about the effects of breaking things. As you said, the picture frame was a gift, so there is an emotional element to breaking it. It is not just giving it back to her, it’s destroying it. Also, with any violence during a disagreement even towards objects carries a threat of violence towards the person witnessing it because the person is out of control. It could happen to them next. And in this case it did, you shook her.

I understand that it hurts to think about. That is where a touch of denial comes in to soften the blow. You have made mistakes, but you can learn from them.

I’m sorry to hear that your father had a tendency to break things when he was angry in your childhood. That must have been very hard for you.

Therapy takes a long time for the kind of trauma you have. If you think about it, for how long did you live with these difficulties going on around you? It takes time to undo that. You are open to seeing the harm caused by your actions shows your willingness to reflect. You haven’t been defensive about it. You have been remorseful.

Personally, I feel like she was being cruel and mocking you about your therapy. Just because therapy takes time doesn’t mean that it isn’t worth doing. Her unwillingness to go to therapy is more about her unwillingness to change than it is about you.

You have a good level of insight into the reasons behind your actions (likely because of your therapy). You mentioned feeling tired of everything before the violence started. In the future, learning to take a break can be helpful to calm down.

I truly believe that you can overcome the unhealthy behaviours that you learned in your childhood. I know that you don’t want to be like this. Stick in therapy contrary to your ex, I do believe that you have had some benefits from it.

The reason why someone can hug you one day and not do that the next day is ultimately that they are feeling hurt.

She doesn’t want to discuss heavy things because she is afraid of fighting again.

You are still young. Honestly, healing does take time. A normal, happy life sounds like a great goal.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏