Dear Helcat:

You are welcome and thank you for expressing your appreciation so beautifully ❤️.

“Yes, I also think that couples counselling is about my husband learning to emphasize with my perspective. This is something that he struggles with“-  I see..

“Yesterday, he finally acknowledged that he has been struggling with his own untreated PTSD which has been triggered because of the prolonged stress and arguments. It was nice to hear him finally say that it wasn’t my fault“- getting to understand better.

“I have honestly been trying my best“- yes, you have, very well done, Helcat!

“I don’t think that the dental work is something to look forward to…“- thank you. Interestingly, on March 14, 2022 (two years and 7 months ago!), I shared with you on your first thread, about a visit I had at the same dental clinic where I experienced panic recently. It was a routine teeth cleaning appt back then, with a very thorough, competent dental hygienist (she is not one of the two hygienists I saw most recently, the two who displayed a level of incompetency in the task of numbing my gums before crown work).

This is what I wrote to you back then: “ – just the other day, I had a dental appointment, and as the dental hygienist used a sharp, metal dental scraper uncomfortably too close to my gums, I relaxed so nicely because I focused on her soft face (that which I could see above her mask), her soft voice as she hummed to a song, taking in her ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ as she instructed me kindly to move my head to the right or left, etc. And I thought to myself: oh, how I wish this was my mother!”

(the following boldfaced words are words from the quote above): So, I am thinking, with your husband, as you talk with him about uncomfortably difficult topics (akin to placing sharp, metal dental scrapers in each other’s mouth..?), perhaps aim at saying more please and thank you with a soft voice and a soft face, talking to each other kindly, having a relaxing song in the background.

Perhaps be.. more mother-like to him during such conversations. Maybe it will relax the boy within him, the boy who suffers from untreated PTSD, and make him feel safe enough to feel and express empathy for you.. I hope.

anita