Dear Clara:

You are welcome, 🙂 to read your update.

“I realized, my ex has not changed at all. The initial perception of her, not able to be completely honest, emotionally unavailable, actually still existed by the time we broke up… She probably did open up a bit in between, but that was not long lasting. That was not her. She did it because of me… It was not a change that came from herself“- reads like she temporarily adjusted to you; he did not change for you or because of you.

“It was a rainy day and we were outdoor, she approached me with her umbrella coz I was only wearing raincoat (which was not enough under such heavy rain), that got us start talking, I asked her to see if she wanted to hike another time and she quickly said yes… I felt warm and taken care of somehow“- I like how you met: she approached you, she offered protection to you.

“I am unsure if she is gay or not, but it definitely feels good to meet a new friend who gives you positive energy. This time I will remember the qualities that I am looking for, honesty, monogamy, straightforwardness. Let’s see if this goes anywhere“- there is nothing more effective in weakening an old emotional attachment than a new attachment. Glad that you remember what’s most important to you in a relationship: honesty, monogamy, straightforwardness. I hope that she becomes a good friend and maybe more.

“Regarding  your last post about my fear of being ‘stuck’. I did ponder on it a bit, I think there is a difference between getting stuck with something I didn’t like / didn’t choose vs I did. For now, I am choosing my own life so I should be happy sticking with it/them. I did feel a bit loosen up afterwards, which lead me to proceed with my adoption“- I suppose I projected myself into you in that reply: I would feel stuck with a pet, if I adopted one, and maybe with a tattoo as well. When do you expect the adoption to be completed?

anita