Hi Anita

I’m glad that you were able to reconnect with that love you felt for your Mother. It is beautiful the way you are creating trust in your life and honouring your own needs. ❤️

I don’t think I ever loved my Mother. I had the instinctual bond, but I wouldn’t call it love. I needed a caregiver to meet my needs. When I was younger I knew something was wrong because I was unhappy, but I didn’t understand why. It was something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I didn’t understand what was happening to me and it was all I knew. It was just how life was. As I got older I started to understand and I was horrified. This is when the hatred formed.

I don’t really think about my mother much. I don’t hate her like I used to. But the pain echoes in me. I feel indifferent about her. I prayed for her to heal and for protection on her journey. That is as far as these things go for me.

It is complicated. There are many parts of me. I don’t tend to focus on the younger ones. I don’t take my emotions too seriously. I lean towards goals.

I feel like being true to myself and my needs are complicated too. For one, I have multiple perspectives and I have to choose one path to act on. Not every part of me is aligned. I feel a need for self-control because left to my emotions I don’t make good choices for myself. If I avoided everything I wanted to. I’d be back at square one. There are parts of me that are harsh on myself. I’m discovering that sometimes my mind hides the truth behind negative thoughts.