Thank you, Jasmine for sending me hope and good wishes! I’ve heard of that Susan Jeffers book before, and may have even borrowed it from the library. I’ll look it up again, because I’m sure that it has information that would be helpful for my situation. I really appreciate your help. Thank you!

Hi Will, thank you for your helpful advice and perspective. I’m trying to figure out that “shit sandwich”, which is a perfect name for what I get into. Maybe just calling it a shit sandwich will help me to recognize what I’m doing – AND STOP! Or as you recommend, finding something else to replace it that’s healthier and more positive. 🙂

The Ruminant, your words really took me by surprise. And make complete sense to me. I think you hit the nail on the head with that. When I think about when I get myself into the situation, there’s a total disregard for just letting life happen. I have to know something and I think probably try to control things instead of letting them unfold. I’m a recovering control freak, so maybe it’s a passive-agressive way at trying to control my circumstances. I’m also a total snoop and always have been (I should look into the source of snoop-ishness). You make so many good points… I loved your duck story and how you had forgotten the conclusion (sounds just like me) and keeping enemies close, being honest, healing my wounds, etc. The honesty thing is probably the hardest thing for me to do. But maybe if I read the Susan Jeffers book that Jasmine recommended, I can get a step closer to speaking my truth to him and asking for space.

Hi Giovanni. Your question about what I’m missing was timely. It made me think about how great he made me feel. Always supportive, always encouraging. Although our communications have been superficial, mainly about my pet, when he found out yesterday that I was studying for finals, he told me to study hard, that I could do it and good luck. It’s been hard to lose that supportive rock that I had for 9 years. Until now I’ve been in denial about what a great and supportive companion he had been to me. I had never had that in my life, least of all from the people closest to me. A crying fit this morning told me that I’m really having a hard time letting that go. I have to keep telling myself that I’ll be in his heart (while imagining the scene from ET where he points to Elliot’s chest before boarding his space craft and says “I’ll be right here”.) Remembering that connection that transcends space is helping me to get through. Thank you for your insight!

Thank you all for taking the time to respond and help. It’s great to get other’s perspectives and advice. What once felt like an unsolvable problem seems to make a little more sense and I think I’ve been pointed in the right direction. Now I just need some courage, will, hope and heart.

Love and peace to you all! Thank you again!

• This reply was modified 10 years, 8 months ago by sandy.