Thanks for your thoughtful replies. Daniel, I am like you in that I did write a lot during my relationship with him, so I can look back on that and remember that it was HARD. Too hard, too hard. I think you are right when you say I should not ‘wish’ to get over something. This is maybe just a process I have to go through. A process of saying goodbye to my hopes that things would change. It does help to know that things change in other people’s heads too! I really hope I feel better soon though, as this hurts a lot still.

Jag James, thanks also for your perspective. Its an interesting one, and one which I’ve in fact been struggling with myself. I spent six months wondering the exact same things you seem to be battling too. I wrote in my journal, and I talked to friends, and I tried to take steps back and assess how much was ‘anxiety’ and how much was reality. I did that a lot. And that’s how I know in all honesty to myself, that my anxiety did not cause the ‘split’. I kept giving it ‘a few more weeks’ to see whether things would change, but it just didn’t. In my particular situation it was very hot/cold, push/pull- seeing each other very irregularly, great when we were together, then lots of emotional distance in between times. Never knowing where I stood. being told I was special, and a priority, and then no contact for days. And he told me directly he can’t even take baby steps towards a future with me, because he’s so broken he doesn’t believe in futures any more. So if I was to keep going, just to have in my life in a ‘less than perfect way’ my mental health would suffer, because I would develop feelings for him that he was TELLING me he couldn’t see himself reciprocating. So I did cause the split, but not because of anxiety or vulnerability, in fact because I was strong enough to see that what I wanted didn’t match what I was getting. I think we are all worthy of love and a relationship should make you a bigger person, not a smaller version of yourself, which is what I was becoming.

But ….obviously part of me feels like having him around in any way is better than none. Its been two weeks now, and its still sore. Especially when I know I could just get in touch and have him around. But whether that is what I want, I think I need to take time to decide. I wish I found it easier to focus on a future, rather than obsessing constantly about my past.