Dear Suze,

There’s something in what you are saying that I can relate to. I have a strong need to help other people and the society, and I am very much interested in the big picture. I have also been through depression.

I think that a few things contributed to my own depression, which I weren’t able to see back then, but it’s more clear to me now. If you think that being centered would mean that your central focus is within you, then my focus was off and blurry. My interests were always outside of myself, and I kept neglecting myself in many ways. I think that some sort of mindfulness meditation would’ve helped with this, to be more grounded and more centered in myself, in my life.

Another contributing factor, and what makes mindfulness meditation so difficult, is the wandering monkey brain. The constant chatter and analysis of everything. With some practice, it’s possible to stop it, even for a short while. I didn’t have any real tools, so I just started interrupting myself. I know from experience that when I’m interrupted enough times, I simply forget what I was saying and can’t say anything anymore. That’s what I did to my internal narration. I kept interrupting the constant negative stream of words and eventually, it wasn’t constant anymore. I got a bit power over the narration in my mind, and that was terribly empowering.

Then there’s the illusion of what we think life is or should be and what it actually is, as well as attaching morality to things, people and events, and expecting fairness and justice. Impossible expectations about life will lead to perpetual misery. Let us take your rich/poor example. My mother always said that if everything we have would be equally divided between all of us today, tomorrow some people would have more and others would have less. Would that be unjust? Morally wrong? We can constantly try to level the playing field, but things tend to gravitate towards a certain state. Does being poor mean being miserable? Does being rich equal happiness?

Understanding some of the realities of life does not mean being cold or uncaring. Also, imagine this: if a severely wounded person would be brought into the care of a doctor, would it be beneficial if the doctor became emotional, crying in shock over the fate of his fellow human? The ability to help in a way that creates more good than harm requires knowledge, patience, understanding of the causes of the symptoms and so forth. The causes of why we are in the situation we are right now as humanity are complex. Or perhaps very simple. I tend to think that if we all felt loved and cared for and safe, the world would look completely different. Since I can not wave a magic wand and change things just like that, I try (emphasis on the word “try”) to spread love and caring and the feeling of safety. In order to do so, I need to care for myself. I have to make sure that I feel safe and loved, so that all the extra love that accumulates in me can freely flow towards others without judgment or conditions. What if just like fear, love could behave like a virus and spread from one person onto the next, slowly contaminating the whole world?

In conclusion: definitely start by helping yourself. You’ll not change the world if you’re crippled from depression. Let the world be for a moment and focus on yourself. Learn how to have the power over your thoughts and emotions, instead of allowing them to control you. Ever noticed how those who aren’t able to control themselves tend to have a need for controlling things around them? Interestingly, when you’re able to control yourself, the need to control others lessens. You’ll feel more in control of your life and your destiny, and it will change the way you look at the world around you. Also, perhaps you’d be able to do things that would change the world. You can’t change things by just wishing them to be different, and you certainly can’t move the world to the right direction before you yourself know how to move.

Also, one last advice: don’t compare your inside with other people’s outside. You don’t know how happy or content other people are, and you most certainly are not alone with your concerns and feelings.