Dear Turtletiger,

I’m sorry you’re feeling so lost. It is, however, a feeling, a mental state, and those never last forever. You have left behind a comfortable nest and went out into the big world. What if you look at it as an adventure? Things happen and we get hurt during our journeys, but it doesn’t have to mean that your whole identity changes. Your identity and purpose and your whole being is still with you. It is you. You are focusing on the environment and perhaps mistaking it for who you are?

I can understand that being tired and in pain makes it so much more difficult to focus and be strong. Those are the times when summoning any energy to deal with things in a calm and rational way feels impossible. I understand that. You need nurturing. You can also nurture yourself by taking things slowly, if you can, and choosing to talk to yourself in a kind manner, instead of focusing on how scary it is to be so far away from home. Give yourself a break from the fear now and again.

I would like to gently plant a seed of thought as well. The way you describe yourself and your situation suggests that your identity has been attached to your surroundings even before you moved. So when the surroundings change, you face an identity crisis. Perhaps there is a reason that you are finding yourself in this situation? You are not your job, your friends, your house, your fiance or the potential of being a wife and a mother. You have a personality and a mind, a heart and a soul, which are all unique. You won’t find out the secrets of those by interrogating yourself and forcing yourself to reveal who you are, but you need to pay attention and listen. You can choose how you spend your energy, and instead of worrying about external things, you could perhaps spend that energy on nurturing your being. See what comes out. How will you light up as a person? What does the heart and soul of a Turtletiger look like when it lights up and bursts into joy?

Don’t be so hard on yourself.